


the song of the sea

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min are Brothers, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Bullying, Drowning, Family Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Junsu (Lost in Translation) & Kang Dongho | D.Min are Brothers, Loosely Inspired by Siren's Lament (Webtoon), Memory Loss, Mermaids, No beta we die like mne, Sirens, can i tag jiho the omnipresent oc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26740831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: Jaewon's a half-mermaid, Minsoo and Daehyun are his mermaid (siren, technically) friends, and Dongho's his overprotective older brother.This goes... poorly.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kim Daehyun, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Lee Minsoo
Comments: 25
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

When Jaewon opens his eyes, there's a moment of harsh regret.

It's both the _"why do I have to be awake?"_ kind of regret and the _"it hurts to breathe"_ kind of regret - the kind of regret that comes from bruises and aches but a hopeful soul underneath it.

The short answer: Jaewon is sore. 

Jaewon is sore and tired and bruised, but he has to get out of bed.

"Morning, little otter."

Dongho leans against the door, a bowl in his arms and spatula in his hand, and _oh_ , Jaewon almost forgot.

Mondays.

Most people hate Mondays - he gets it, abstractly. End of the weekend, everything sucks, Mondays suck - but _oh_ , he adores Mondays.

Mondays are the days where Dongho doesn't have to rush off at five or six in the morning, leaving only a bagel and apple on the table. Mondays are the days where he can stay home, where he has the time to make Jaewon pancakes and wish him well for the week ahead.

(mondays are also the days where dinner is instant ramen and five minutes of discussion before he has to leave again, but. monday is pancake day!)

"Morning, hyung!" Jaewon beams, and Dongho's eyes soften - not much, but enough to know he cares.

Dongho's tricky like that.

"Breakfast's gonna be ready in ten," Dongho warns, and Jaewon nods, throwing off his sheets and stumbling towards the bathroom. 

By the time he showers and makes his way downstairs, there's already a plate of pancakes on the table. Jaewon takes his seat - closest to the window, so he can smell the sea air - and he closes his eyes for a moment, taking everything in.

The rough wood of his seat. The crisp smell of the sea air. The distant crash of waves and chirping of birds.

Dongho's gentle humming to whatever song is on the radio.

It's idyllic, in the most perfect way it can be.

"Thanks, hyung," Jaewon grins, and Dongho turns, giving him the faintest of smiles.

He's tired, Jaewon knows - so tired, and so wracked with worry - but he's trying _so hard_ , and Jaewon doesn't know how to tell him that he's already doing enough.

Dongho places the last plate on the table and takes his seat, placing a pair of pancakes on his plate as his gaze drifts to Jaewon's face.

"So, what are you doing in school today?"

"I've got a group project," Jaewon mumbles, and Dongho's gaze flickers with something - hope? Worry? Desperation? - before settling into trepidatious approval.

"Oh?"

"Yeah! My groupmates are really nice!"

They're not, but.

Dongho doesn't need to know that.

"That's good," his brother murmurs, and Jaewon nods, stuffing another pancake into his mouth. "Do I know any of them?"

"No," Jaewon mumbles, and Dongho frowns as bits of pancake spew across the table.

"Jaewon-ah-"

"But they're great!" Jaewon insists, swallowing his pancake and taking a swig of his water. "They're really fun to work with!"

"Good," Dongho sighs, and Jaewon can see the _relief_ flickering in his eyes. "That's- that's really good, Jaewon-ah."

Jaewon gives him a small smile as he carries his plate to the sink, and he stares at Dongho for a moment as he rinses it off.

...his brother isn't sleeping enough. 

Then again, Dongho hasn't slept enough for a long time.

"I'm gonna head out, hyung," Jaewon grins, and Dongho dips his head, taking a sip from his mug as his gaze drifts back to his phone. "Have a great day!"

"You too, little otter."

* * *

There are three rules Jaewon's learned for his time at school, and they're all equally important.

One: keep your head down. Nobody will mess with you if you don't look them in the eyes.

Two: volunteer to work alone on group projects if possible. If that's not possible, then volunteer to do all the work.

Three: tell Dongho nothing.

This last one is less for his sake and more for Dongho's.

Dongho just... works too much. And if it can ease his mind to think that Jaewon has friends when, really, he doesn't, then.

Well.

Shouldn't Jaewon do all he can?

He reaches up to run his thumb over his necklace - a small otter charm from the last time their parents took him and Dongho to the aquarium. It would've been - what, five years ago? - since after that, Dongho took him on his own, but Jaewon can still remember it like it was yesterday.

They went to a shitty diner after that, he remembers, and Dongho passed him the bag, one hand wrapped around his cocoa - he hates cocoa - and the other shaking in his lap.

He never did find out why his hands were shaking that day. 

But Dongho passed him the bag and hooked the chain around Jaewon's neck, and ever since then, he's worn it every day. 

He's learned to clasp it himself, now.

Someone's shoulder clips his, and he trips, the books slipping from his arms and landing on his feet. It hurts - stings - but nobody looks.

It could be worse.

It could be so much worse.

"Hey, Ahn!"

Jaewon ducks his head, pulling his books back into his arms, but it's too late.

A foot slams into his forehead, and his head slams against the lockers with a resounding "clang". His eyes slit open, and he raises his head, blinking a few times until the person resolves into focus.

Ah.

"Why're you so dirty, huh?" Minseok gloats, and Jaewon winces, gaze falling to his scuffed-up sneakers. "Does Mommy not do your laundry for you? Oh, I forgot- she's _dead_ , isn't she?"

Jaewon screws his eyes shut, fighting against the tears that threaten to spill.

 _Don't cry_.

"How's your _brother_ doing?" Minseok spits, and Jaewon digs his nails into his hands, willing himself not to respond. "Y'know, I don't even know why he keeps you around. You're not even his _real brother_."

Jaewon bites his lower lip, a single tear arcing down his cheek, and Minseok laughs, slamming Jaewon's head back into the lockers. "Aww, look! Baby's crying!"

Dammit.

One of Minseok's cronies drops his books on his legs, and Jaewon whimpers a bit as Minseok lets go of his hair, a taunting grin on his lips. 

"Have fun in class, _baby_."

The boys melt into the crowd within moments, and Jaewon reaches up to rub his charm with his thumb, tears dripping off his chin and onto his jeans. 

God, he misses Dongho.

* * *

As always, Jaewon walks home alone.

There's always something a little bit pathetic about it - walking alone by the sea, surrounded by people chattering in groups while he's painfully alone - so he keeps his head down and gaze on the sea.

The sea.

He's always loved the sea - loved it more than dry land. He's never seen the sea as something dark and mysterious, but rather something sweet and welcoming, something to be loved instead of feared.

And _nothing_ can change that.

(he only wishes dongho shared that belief.)

Once he makes it home, the first thing he does is take out his homework and get to work. It may seem odd - prioritizing homework so much - but it stops Dongho from worrying about his grades, so Jaewon's willing to put in all the work it takes. 

Dongho ducks in for a few minutes at around six, visibly haggard, but he shares a protein bar with Jaewon nonetheless before rushing back to the store.

Dongho doesn't even _like_ flowers.

Jaewon finishes his work at around seven, gaze drifting to the dark sky and distant waves.

He shouldn't. He really, really shouldn't.

But he just-

he needs to get out onto the open sea. 

He _knows_ Dongho's going to be upset, _knows_ Dongho still has nightmares of Jaewon in their little brother's place, but he just-

he'll be right back! And Dongho won't come home until eleven, anyways!

With that in mind, he grabs his phone and keys, and steals off to the dock, ready to borrow a boat.

* * *

This was, perhaps, not the best idea.

Jaewon squints at the horizon, rain plastering his hair to his cheeks and causing him to shiver. Thunder cracks in the distance, and dark waves pound against the side of the boat, rocking him from side to side.

And yet-

he still isn't scared.

He _knows_ the ocean won't let him die out here. After all, his mother always said the ocean loved their family, up until the day she died. 

He squints out at the waves, a fresh crack of lightning breaking the skyline, and he shivers, the wind pushing his hair back from his head.

He has to be careful, or a massive wave could _actually_ kill him.

Dongho would probably bring him back to life just to kill him again, come to think of it.

That moment of thought costs him, and as he turns, he catches sight of a massive wave looming over him.

Oh, _no_.

He only has enough time to think "oh, fuck" before it crashes over him, throwing him off the side of the boat and under the sea.

It's nearly silent under the water, the only sound that of the storm raging overhead. Jaewon lets himself drift for a while, content to exist like this, but after some time, his lungs scream for air.

That was. Not smart.

He reaches for the surface, but _oh_ , it's so much farther than he anticipated. All he can see is a distant slight lighting, and he's not going to be able to reach it.

He can't die here.

He _can't die here_.

He reaches up, legs kicking as he reaches for the surface, but his vision is starting to grow spotty.

He's going to die here.

_"...Ahn Jaewon..."_

He blinks as a figure materializes in front of him, and _oh_ , it's the ocean just as he always imagined her. Flowing sand-like hair, sharp brown eyes, a mischievous glint - she _is_ the ocean in its truest form.

 _"The ocean's love,"_ she murmurs, leaning forwards to press her lips to his. _"You will save them, Jaewon-ah. I know you will."_

 _Save who?_ he wants to scream, but his legs are tired from swimming, and his chest aches with the need to _breathe_. 

_"You will see your brother again,"_ she promises, and it should be sad that that's all it takes for him to surrender to the siren's call of unconsciousness, but he can't bring himself to feel ashamed.

He can't bring himself to feel much of anything, really.

And in the distance, a silver-haired siren watches, curiosity piqued at their new arrival.

* * *

Dongho may or may not be freaking out.

It's nearly one in the morning, and Jaewon _is not home_.

Jaewon not being home is _bad_. His little brother _knows_ not to leave without leaving Dongho a note, so what if he's been kidnapped or murdered or left for dead on some beach somewhere?

Dongho can't lose him too.

He squints out into the storm once more, panic thrumming in his chest, and his eyes widen at the sight of a dark form in the waves.

 _Jaewon_.

Before he can think, he's sprinting out the door, bare feet pounding against the sand as he races for the sea.

He can't lose Jaewon.

The sea _can't have Jaewon_.

He dives into the waves, the cold cutting through his clothes, but he doesn't stop until his fingers brush fabric.

Jaewon's jacket.

He hauls his younger brother into his arms before struggling towards the shore, and Jaewon lets out a plaintive moan, eyes fluttering and head lolling in his grasp.

"You're okay," Dongho promises, hoping to whatever god might be listening that it's the truth. "You're okay, Jaewon-ah."

"...foxy... hyung?"

Dongho could cry.

Dongho may be crying.

"Yeah," he breathes, feet finally brushing against the sand. "Yeah, yeah, Jaewon-ah, it's me. It's Dongho-hyung."

Jaewon hums a bit, curling into his chest, and Dongho carries him up the beach and into their home, peeling off his wet clothes before placing him in bed.

God, how did Jaewon even get _out_ there?

It doesn't matter. As long as he's still here, it's fine.

He just-

he can't lose Jaewon.

Not like they lost their parents.

Not like he lost Jun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jaewon calls dongho foxy because of his eyes, so dongho started calling jaewon otter
> 
> this is cute ok


	2. Chapter 2

"What do you mean, a 'weird siren'?"

"I mean a _weird siren_ ," Minsoo huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "I mean, I saw Nari kiss him, and then he just disappeared!"

Daehyun frowns, and Minsoo flicks a bit of water in his direction, sending his bleached hair flying. "Yah, don't look at me like that!"

"It sounds kinda unreal," Daehyun frowns, drifting towards the little cave they call home. "I mean, you gotta admit that, right, hyung?"

" _Everything_ sounds unreal," Minsoo mutters, tossing his head back. "We're magic fish people."

Daehyun pouts, but he doesn't reply.

"...I saw him," Minsoo continues, and Daehyun frowns.

"Why'd you say you didn't, then?"

"'Cause I saw him on land."

"What?"

Minsoo sighs, tipping his head back to gaze at the distant sky. "I know it was him. Same hair and everything, y'know? But he had _legs_ , Dae."

"That..."

Daehyun frowns, and Minsoo drifts past him, heading for the cave. "Do you know where Junsu-yah and Taehyuk-ah are?"

"No," Daehyun replies, and Minsoo sighs, raking a hand through his hair.

"I'll track them down tomorrow. For now, do you wanna have dinner and then go to see the guy?"

"Do you know his name?" Daehyun asks, withdrawing a fish from their cold-box, and Minsoo shakes his head.

"He has red hair, though. Really red."

Daehyun grins, and Minsoo grins back, grabbing a fish of his own. "He seems nice, too."

* * *

Ever since the day on the boat, Jaewon's felt drawn to the sea.

It's even worse than usual - and his _usual_ has Dongho worried, so if his older brother found out about this, he'd probably sell the flower shop and move a hundred miles inland - but he's determined not to let it affect his work.

And, okay, maybe he does that by sitting in his little cove by the sea. And, okay, maybe that means his papers get really, really wet, and the ink runs a bit, but it sates the endless yearning for the sea just a bit, so he'll put up with it.

Besides, Dongho's home even less these days, so it's fine.

It's around a week after the boat incident when Jaewon catches sight of a few large fish out in the sea, and they're moving fast. One - the smaller one - looks red and white, while the larger one looks blue and gold, and as they draw closer, Jaewon nearly has a heart attack when he realizes they are not, in fact, fish.

The smaller one's head pops out of the water, bright silver hair sticking to his face, and Jaewon stares, the pen slipping from his fingers and landing in the sand.

What.

"Hi!" the silver-haired one chirps, and the other one breaks the surface, golden hair sticking to his cheeks and eyes wide. "I'm Minsoo!"

"Um," Jaewon eloquently replies, and the silver-haired one's smile widens as he hauls himself up onto the outcropping, elbows coming to rest on the rock and chin propped up on his palms. 

"So, what's your name?"

"What _are_ you?"

"Sirens!" Minsoo enthuses, and Jaewon stares at him - at his sharp teeth, vaguely claw-like hands, webbed ears and fingers - and nearly screams. 

As it is, he just stares.

"You're scaring him," the gold-haired one murmurs, and Minsoo laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ah... sorry! So, who're you?"

"Ahn Jaewon," he slowly replies, and Minsoo stares at him for a moment, visibly bewildered.

"Ahn?"

"Yeah."

"So... you still remember your family?"

"What?"

Somehow, Jaewon feels like they're having two different conversations.

"Anyways," Minsoo states, clapping his hands, "I'm here to see if you're really a siren!"

"What?"

"Hyung," the gold-haired one warns, and Minsoo groans, flopping back into the water.

"Dae."

"Hyung!"

Minsoo pouts, and Dae swims a bit closer, hovering just a few feet from Jaewon's knees. "What he means is that he saw you get kissed by Nari-ssi, and he wants to know why you're not all siren."

"What?"

"Just..."

Minsoo waves his hand, gesturing to the ocean. "Hop in! We'll test it out!"

 _"If a stranger tells you there's candy in the van, they want to kidnap you,"_ Dongho once told him, but this is the ocean, and these people are actually _human fish_ , so Jaewon decides to take the risk.

He pulls off his shorts and, before he can think twice, he launches himself off the edge and into the water.

The cold assaults him immediately, and he opens his eyes to a flash of light.

In the next moment, he finds he can't move his legs.

He stares down at himself - at his claw-like, webbed hands and bright crimson tail - and screams.

* * *

"I knew it!" Minsoo crows, and Daehyun watches as Jaewon twists around, eyes wide with horror as he takes in - well, everything. 

Jaewon is clearly not a normal siren, Daehyun thinks, and for that, he envies him.

He understands the base concept besides making them forget their past lives - you can't miss what you don't know - but god, he wishes it wasn't the case. He wants to _know_ , wants to know who he was before the shipwreck that killed him nearly twenty years ago.

It's still kind of funny that he's not even the youngest siren. That honor would go to Junsu - the boy they all watched grow, from a small child to a strong and brave adult. 

Maybe Daehyun is a little bit biased. 

"I'm a _fish_ ," Jaewon wheezes, a hint of panic slipping into his voice, and Minsoo frowns, gesturing to the sky. 

"If you can turn into a siren, can't you just turn back?"

" _I don't know_!"

He wrings his hands, grimacing as the claws dig into his skin, and Daehyun winces as he spins a few more times, panic evidently mounting. "Hyung's going to kill me, I can't leave him, I can't- he'll be so upset-"

"If you're worried," Minsoo states, a hint of his "you're-being-an-idiot" voice slipping in, "then just _try it_."

Jaewon blinks at him, and Minsoo sighs. "Look - we can't go on land all the way 'cause we'll evaporate. _You_ can. So just try it!"

Minsoo, having good advice? There's a first time for everything.

Jaewon stares at him, and slowly, slowly, hauls himself out of the water, watching with awe as his tail drips back into the sea.

 _Wow_.

"Well," Minsoo states, watching as Jaewon wiggles his toes once more, "that's new."

"Yeah," Jaewon whispers, and Minsoo shrugs, launching himself out of the water and grabbing Jaewon's hand.

The pair fall back into the water with a splash, and Daehyun watches as Minsoo spins around a few times, silver hair forming a cloud around his head.

"Ah," he grins, "are you ready to see _siren-land_?"

Jaewon blinks at him, but there's a spark of adventure in those eyes that Daehyun recognizes from Minsoo.

Oh, these two will get along well.

* * *

Jaewon honestly isn't sure where to look first.

A caramel-haired siren with a brilliant orange tail leans against a mossy couch, and a dark-haired siren with an iridescent tail sits next to him, dark hair floating around his head. Behind them, a bubblegum-haired siren with pastel accessories coating his tail sways to the music, his hair tied back and a tattoo covering his forearm.

"Hyuk!" Minsoo calls, and the caramel-haired one turns, brilliant chocolate eyes meeting Minsoo's.

"Yo, fuck-face."

His gaze slides from him to Jaewon, and his eyes spark with interest, his smile immediately turning into something more cordial. "Who're you?"

"Ah- Ahn Jaewon."

"Nice to meet you, Ah-Ahn Jaewon," the siren replies, offering him a hand. "I'm Taehyuk. The one who looks like an axe murderer is Junsu, and the one who's the definition of _gay_ is Jiho."

"Taken!" Jiho calls, and Taehyuk rolls his eyes.

"Yes. It is _very important_ you know he's taken. Absolutely _imperative_."

"You're just jealous because I'm so pretty!" Jiho calls, and Taehyuk's eyebrow twitches.

"Trust me, if I were to be jealous of anyone, it would _not_ be Sungmin."

"Why did I bring you here?" Minsoo laments, and Junsu snorts. "Shitty friends. I have the shittiest fucking friends."

"Sucks to be you," Junsu simply replies, raking a hand through his hair. "Call me Jun. Junsu's way too formal."

"Ah- are you older than me?"

"'03," Jun replies, and Jaewon grins.

"Ah- I'm '02! I guess I'm your hyung, then!"

"Cute," Minsoo whispers, and Taehyuk nods silent assent.

"Years don't really matter much here," Minsoo shrugs, waving a hand. "Everyone stops aging once they turn eighteen, anyways."

"What... what year are you?"

"'01," Minsoo grins, and Jaewon blinks.

"That's not that old."

" _19_ 01."

" _What?_ "

"You're talking to the _grandpa_ ," Taehyuk deadpans, flopping back onto the couch. "He's the oldest one here. 's why his hair's white."

"It's white because of the bleach from when I _died_ ," Minsoo snaps, and Taehyuk rolls his eyes.

"Sungminnie dyed it for him," Jiho chips in, and Jaewon blinks at him.

"Sungmin's his human boyfriend," Taehyuk explains. "He did Jiho-yah's tattoos."

"Aren't they great?" Jiho beams, and Jaewon nods, drifting closer to admire them.

"Oh!" Daehyun exclaims, pointing towards the sky. "The sun's setting!"

The blond siren shoots towards the sky like a rocket, and Jaewon follows, albeit at a more sedate pace. The setting sun sends streaks of color through the water, and as Daehyun's head breaks the surface, Jaewon pops up next to him, his hair sticking to his cheeks.

"Look!" Daehyun crows, and Jaewon stares at the horizon, eyes widening as he takes in the sight. 

There's nothing. Nothing anywhere. 

There's just... endless sea. 

"Wow," Jaewon breathes, and Daehyun beams, eyes sparkling with sunlight.

"Isn't it gorgeous?"

It's _stunning_.

"You never get tired of this," Minsoo murmurs, and Taehyuk nods assent, lips curling into the faintest of smiles.

God, it's stunning.

Jiho giggles, dipping back below the waves, and Daehyun turns to Jaewon, a bit of concern flickering in his eyes.

"Do you have somewhere you have to be?"

Home.

 _Dongho_.

"I have to go," Jaewon blurts, and Minsoo frowns, staring at him.

"Why?"

"My brother-"

Oh god, he probably missed dinner. Dongho must be so worried.

"I'll be back at the cove!" Jaewon calls, taking off towards home as quickly as he can. "I have to go!"

* * *

Dongho's not sure how to feel.

The clock ticks from ten fifty-nine to eleven, and he stares down at his hands, the wrapped plate sitting next to him. 

Where's Jaewon?

The door slams open, and his head jerks up, gaze landing on his brother.

Jaewon's dripping wet, his shorts and shirt sticking to his skinny frame, and Dongho jolts upright, bridging the space between them and pulling Jaewon into his arms.

"Little otter- _where were you_?"

"Out with some school friends," Jaewon murmurs, and Dongho suddenly feels like the worst person alive.

Did he take Jaewon away from his friends?

"That's great!" he enthuses, and Jaewon gives him a wan smile, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Do I know them?"

"No," Jaewon quickly replies. "They're new."

"Ah."

Dongho smiles, gesturing to the wrapped plate, and Jaewon blinks as if seeing it for the first time. "I saved dinner."

"Oh- I missed dinner! I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine," Dongho smiles, and Jaewon falls into the seat across from him, unwrapping the plate and digging in with vigor. "So, what are they like?"

"Ah- they're really nice," Jaewon smiles, and Dongho nods, relief washing over him.

"...I'd like to meet them sometime. If you're okay with that."

"Maybe soon," Jaewon vaguely replies, and Dongho nods, lips curling into a small smile. 

"That sounds nice."

Jaewon finishes scarfing down his food, placing his empty plate atop Dongho's, and the elder nods, scooping up both plates and taking them to the sink. 

"I'm glad you made new friends," he murmurs, and if he looked, he'd see Jaewon's smile is uniquely _bitter_ \- not _angry_ , per se, but _guilty_.

"I am too, hyung," Jaewon murmurs, and Dongho smiles to himself.

He's glad that someone else can see how _genuinely incredible_ Jaewon is - someone who's not him. 

God knows Jaewon deserves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so fun fact i lost half this chapter and all the formatting and i want to throw my laptop out the window and scream due to sheer incompetence
> 
> that's why there are no italics
> 
> also probably why the chapter is uh. lowkey crap.
> 
> also if there are typos i uh. don't care at this point. but drop them anyways so i can fix them :3


	3. Chapter 3

It's a new thing, having friends.

Jaewon wishes that wasn't the truth - both for his and Dongho's sake - but the fact is this: _Jaewon likes having friends_.

And not just in the "oh, this is kind of nice" way. He's thinking about them in class, thinking about them while doing work, wrapping himself up in the comfort of _not being alone_ -

it's nice.

It's really, really nice.

He excuses himself from dinner, dodging Dongho's attempts to ask about his new friends, and instead heads straight for his cove, ducking under the rocks and wriggling out of his jeans.

The water, just as it always has, feels like home. 

Minsoo's waiting once he hits the waves, silver hair tied back and a bright grin on his lips, and he tugs Jaewon forwards, mischief sparkling in his eyes.

"Where are we going?"

"You haven't met Sungminnie!" Minsoo laughs, and Jaewon blinks, unsure of how to reply.

"Sungminnie?"

"Jiho-yah's human boyfriend!"

Ah.

 _Ah_.

"He's the best!" Minsoo enthuses, brushing through a thick bed of seaweed. "He did my hair, and Jiho-yah's tattoos - he'd do yours, too, if you asked."

"Ah- do you think I would look good with dyed hair?"

"You'd look good with anything!" Minsoo cheers, and Jaewon flushes up to the tips of his ears.

* * *

Sungmin lives by the ocean, Jaewon learns, his house tucked away between two cliffs and a wide stretch of beach all his own. It reminds him a lot of his family's place, just... for one person instead of two families.

Jiho's lying on the sand when they arrive, gaze fixed on a dark-haired man with a dangling earring. As Jaewon watches, the two share a kiss, and the dark-haired man raises his head, bright eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Ah! You must be Jaewonnie!"

"It's nice to meet you!" Jaewon smiles, and Sungmin grins in return, resting his chin on his hand.

"You look familiar - have we met before?"

"My older brother runs a flower shop?" Jaewon tries, and Sungmin snaps his fingers.

"Yes! I remember you helped me make my bouquet for Ji-Ji!"

"You're sickening," Taehyuk groans, draping himself over a rock. " _Sickening_."

"Fuck you!" Jiho enthuses, and Taehyuk groans even louder.

"I think they're cute," Daehyun hums, drifting closer to stare at them. "What do you think, Wonnie-yah?"

"They're cute," Jaewon affirms, and Taehyuk groans once more.

"Anyways," Sungmin smiles, placing his backpack on the sand, "I found some old books from my parent's old library that might help with Jaewonnie's situation. Do you remember what Nari-ssi said to you?"

"Ah..." Jaewon trails off, brows scrunching together as he concentrates. "She called me the ocean's love and said I'd save them?"

Sungmin nods, flipping through a book and eventually coming to stop on a page. "Here! The Ocean's Curse!"

"That sounds _great_ ," Minsoo deadpans, and Sungmin shrugs.

"It says that the person chosen by Nari-ssi will save all sirens by breaking the curse-"

Shouts and cheers ring out, and Taehyuk and Minsoo gawp at the human, visibly stunned.

"-but at the cost of his memories."

The cheers abruptly cut out.

"If he cannot break the curse in time," Sungmin continues, words halting as he processes their content, "then he will not only lose his memories, but his human form as well, and he will become a siren forever."

Once he finishes the sentence, silence reigns.

Jaewon-

Jaewon can't breathe.

"How much time does he have?" Minsoo whispers, and Sungmin shakes his head. "You- you know, don't you?"

"One month," Sungmin whispers, and Jaewon runs.

He ducks under the waves and shoots away, the water pushing back his hair and wiping the tears from his eyes.

One month.

One month before he loses his memories of his parents, before he loses his memories of Dongho-

God, _Dongho_.

He can't-

he can't do that to him.

Not again.

"Jaewon!"

Someone grabs his wrist, and he wheels, eyes widening as he catches sight of Minsoo.

What is he doing here?

"Jaewon," Minsoo murmurs, sadness flickering in his eyes. "It's- it's gonna be okay, yeah? We're all gonna help you, and- and it's gonna be fine. You're gonna be _fine_."

"I can't leave him," Jaewon breathes, and Minsoo pulls him close, one hand coming to rest in his hair.

It's strange, being held like this in the water - there's a certain weightlessness that land has never afforded him - but he finds it isn't entirely uncomfortable. Minsoo's hands weave through his hair, talons scratching his scalp, and Jaewon chokes on a wail, leaning forwards to rest his head on Minsoo's shoulder.

"Nari-ssi chose you for a reason," Minsoo whispers, "and that's because she thinks you can do it."

"I can't leave him," Jaewon helplessly repeats, and Minsoo nods.

"I know."

 _No,_ Jaewon thinks, clinging to the elder's shoulders with all his strength, _no, you don't_.

* * *

When he makes it home that night, Dongho's waiting for him.

His older brother's working - he's always working, always trying, always reaching to be the kind of person Jaewon's parents were - and he closes the door quietly, hoping not to alert Dongho to his presence.

Of course, the door squeaks, and his plan goes to hell.

Dongho's head jerks up, his glasses askew on his nose and dark hair messy, and he gives Jaewon a weak smile before turning his attention back to his papers. "How was it?"

"Good," Jaewon lamely replies, and Dongho nods.

"Hey- do you guys want some... some quarters, or something? I hear the arcade put in a new game recently, so..."

Dongho's trying, Jaewon knows. _God_ is he trying. 

"Sure, hyung," Jaewon murmurs, and Dongho smiles - a little crooked, a little relieved.

"Great. I'll leave the quarters on your desk?"

"You need to sleep, hyung," Jaewon reminds him, and Dongho nods, scribbling something on his papers. "You're working too much..."

"Don't worry about me," Dongho simply replies, placing the paper over to the side. "I'm fine."

Jaewon somehow doubts that. 

"You should get some rest," Dongho continues, raising his head and giving Jaewon a tired little grin. "I'm off tomorrow morning, so I'll make pancakes?"

"Ah- I'm actually heading to school early," Jaewon lies, and Dongho nods, gaze drifting back to his papers.

Really, he's going to meet up with Minsoo and the others to try and get a head start on finding out how to break the curse. And yet, if he told Dongho that, his older brother would worry even more than he already does, so it's best to lie.

"Library club meeting," he elaborates, and Dongho nods once more. "...goodnight, Foxy-hyung."

"Goodnight, Jaewonnie," Dongho murmurs, and Jaewon escapes up the stairs, trying to ignore the guilt clawing at his heart.

* * *

As it turns out, the place they start is exactly the place Minsoo wants most to avoid.

"Fucking jackass," Minsoo grouses, folding his arms over his chest as he floats by Jaewon's side. "Goddamn asshole is what he is-"

"Minsung-hyung is nice!" Daehyun protests. and Minsoo rolls his eyes.

"He's a fucking jackass," the silver-haired siren snaps, and Daehyun frowns.

"I thought he was nice when I met him..."

"He's a jackass," Minsoo repeats, and Daehyun drops it.

"Who are we going to see?" Jaewon asks, and Minsoo rolls his eyes.

"My _brother_. Fucking _dick_."

Jaewon-

isn't sure how to respond to that.

"His brother runs SA1NT," Daehyun pipes up, drifting between Jaewon and Minsoo as if to protect the younger with his body. "They're a group that helps acclimate new sirens."

"SA1NT's a bullshit name," Minsoo hisses, gaze drifting to the distant building. "Bullshit name for bullshit people. They all fucking _suck_ -"

"Anyways," Daehyun cuts in, a sheepish grin on his lips, "we should've brought you to SA1NT first, 'cause, well... they know everything."

"They do _not_."

"They do," Daehyun laughs, and Minsoo looks like he's contemplating murder. "Minsung-hyung is going to love you!"

"I hope he chokes."

" _Hyung_!"

* * *

Minsung is... not what Jaewon was expecting.

Dark hair frames sharp eyes, and a string necklace hangs around his neck, the charm gently bobbing in the waves. His pink-purple-blue tail shines in the waves, and a pair of sirens flank him, the smaller one's tail a deep orange, and the taller one's tail a deep navy.

He looks... both kind and intimidating. Is that possible?

If it's not, Minsung's going to make it. 

"It's nice to meet you," Minsung smiles, and for a moment, Jaewon's reminded strangely of some sort of god - as calm and composed as he is. "My name is Minsung, and I'd like to welcome you to XR."

They float through the halls - and _how did they build this structure?_ \- as Minsung explains the different rooms to Jaewon. Most of them are for the sirens that choose to live here, though this isn't SA1NT's floor, as they have one of their own. Sirens bustle to and fro, people chatting and laughing and playing, and Jaewon can only stare, rendered speechless at both the numbers and odd domesticity of it all. 

It really drives home that these sirens were once people.

Finally, Minsung leads them into a library of sorts, and Jaewon stares at the walls, unsure of what to say.

 _So many books_.

"Most of them are useless," orange-tail - Kyunghun? Kyungjun? - drawls, and Minsung's eyebrow twitches as he floats towards one shelf. "Minsung-hyung _loves_ collecting books, whether they're useful or not-"

"Kyunghun-ah," Minsung grins, eyebrow twitching even further, "could you _not_?"

"If you stop collecting different editions of _The Little Mermaid_ ," Kyunghun quips, and Minsung flicks his forehead.

"I'm sorry about him. He has no sense of timing."

...somehow, seeing that put Jaewon at ease.

The taller siren - Youngjung? Youngjoon? - floats around the space, picking up book after book and depositing them on one of the tables around the room. Minsung moves to float behind one, and he opens one, flipping through the pages before shutting it.

"You say you're the one with the Ocean's Curse?"

"Y-Yeah," Jaewon stammers, and Minsung nods, reaching up to tuck a lock of free-flowing hair behind his ear. Of course, this fails, and he's left to scowl at nothing. 

"...have you experienced a suspicious number of ocean-related deaths?"

"He's alive," Minsoo snaps, and Minsung wisely opts to ignore him.

"It says the Ocean's Curse is hereditary, so if your family passed away from something with the sea, then it's likely you really do have the Ocean's Curse-"

"My parents drowned."

Minsung simply nods, though Minsoo and Daehyun turn to gawp at him.

"They _what_?" Minsoo squawks, but Minsung's already moving on.

"Then it does seem likely. Based on this-"

" _Go back to the drowned parents!_ "

"-you need to find the nexuses of the ocean, and release their grips on the sirens."

"What does that mean?" Daehyun asks, and Minsung accepts the map Youngjung/Youngjoon hands him, spreading it out over the table and pointing to a few spots.

"The Ocean gets her magic from these nexuses. If you disable them, then her magic will weaken, and the curse will break on its own."

"These are _everywhere_ ," Minsoo breathes, staring down at the map. "Is that one in the _Atlantic_?"

"Sirens are not a region-specific affair," Minsung points out, and Minsoo growls, slamming his fist into the table. 

"You're _not helping_."

Unsurprisingly, Minsung doesn't seem too put-out by that.

"I knew we never should've let you back in," Kyunghun drawls, and Minsoo's eyebrow twitches as he turns to glare at the orange-tailed siren.

" _What did you say_?"

"Kyunghun-ah," Minsung scolds, and Kyunghun backs off, though his dark gaze stays pinned on Minsoo's face. "From what I can discern from the texts, the nexuses, as amplifiers of the Ocean's magic, are places where siren magic is even stronger. You should be careful, Jaewon-ssi."

"Fuck you," Minsoo snaps, and Minsung once again ignores him.

"Thank you," Jaewon smiles, and Minsung gives him a small grin in return, reaching out to press something into his hand. 

"It's the token of XR. It tells other sirens the region you come from, as well as the people looking out for you. If you need anything, Jaewon-ssi, our doors are always open."

"Ah- thank you!"

"Now," Minsung smiles, gaze drifting to the ceiling, "you should be going, shouldn't you?"

"I'm late!" Jaewon shrieks, racing back towards the exit. "Thank you, Minsung-ssi!"

"Call me hyung!" Minsung calls, and Jaewon nods, swimming towards the exit as quickly as he can.

Goodbye, perfect attendance, t'was nice to know you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments,,,,,, gibe me fuel,,,,,,,, pls comment,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
> 
> not beta-read so pls point out typos i Beg


	4. Chapter 4

In the end, it comes down to this.

Jaewon doesn't want to skip school - if he skips school, then Dongho worries, and _oh_ , Dongho worries about so much already, he doesn't want to add to that - but if he doesn't, then he'll lose his brother forever, and he-

he's not prepared for that.

So after a lie to Dongho about a field trip, and a lie to his teachers about a family emergency, he jumps into the water, and they're on their way to the South Pole.

Jaewon shivers as the water cuts into him, hair billowing around him and webbed hands shaking oh-so-slightly, and Minsoo turns, lips pursed in a frown.

"Are you cold?"

"Yeah," Jaewon replies, teeth chattering slightly as he speaks. "Is it- are you cold, too?"

"Yeah," Daehyun murmurs, reaching over to wrap his arm around Jaewon's bare shoulders. "Yeah, yeah, it's cold. _Why is it so cold_?"

"Ice melt?" Minsoo shrugs, swimming through a gap between two icebergs, and Daehyun shrieks, lips pursing into a frown. 

"It's _freezing_! Why are we _here_?"

"Minsung- _hyung_ ," Minsoo spits, the honorific turned into a deadly barb, "said the first nexus would be here."

"Oh. Right."

Jaewon squints through the darkened sea, eyes lighting up at the sight of a distant light. "There!"

"Wait, what-"

"Jaewon-hyung!"

He pays them no mind.

The water streams past as he shoots through the ocean, hair pushed back from his face and distant light drawing ever-closer. He's close, he's _so close_ , it's _right there_ -

The light is coming out of a rock spire, filtering through a gap in the rocks, and Jaewon, ignoring Minsoo and Daehyun's distant shouts, wriggles through.

It's a straight shot to the surface from there. Jaewon's head pops out of the water, and he looks around, gaze eventually landing on a rock outcropping. 

_"...finally takin' us out!"_

"Who's there?" he calls, voice echoing loudly around the empty cave. "Who- who's there?"

_"...gonna be awesome... gonna be cool like..."_

It's a child's voice. He knows that much. 

Before he can second-guess his choice, he hauls himself out of the sea, tail melting away as his feet hit the rock.

The voice is louder, now.

_"...watch me!"_

Oh.

Jaewon takes a few trembling steps forwards, gaze fixed on the deep green crystal embedded in the rock. Scenes play across the walls, the crystal's light flickering and twisting as the memory loops, and for a long moment, he can do nothing but stare.

That's _Jun_.

Oh, god.

He can see it in his mind's eye - can hear Dongho's screams, can hear the splash of Dongho's father leaping in, can remember the way the two of them sat, shivering, on the porch as Dongho's parents sobbed-

He reaches forwards, fingers touching the gem-

and the world explodes in light.

* * *

"I can't believe he's finally takin' us out!"

Jun bounces on his feet, dark hair hanging in his eyes and chubby fists gripping the hem of Dongho's shirt. "Hyung! Hyung! Hyung-ie! He's takin' us out!"

"I know," Dongho assures him, and Jun grins, the picture of seven-year-old innocence - all gap-toothed grin and chubby cheeks. "Are you excited, Wonnie-yah?"

"I'm finally gonna get to see the whales!" Jaewon - all of eight and already in love with the sea - enthuses, pointing at a page in his picture book. "Hyung! Hyung! Look at the whales!"

"Let's get on the boat," Dongho weakly replies - and _oh_ , Jaewon thinks, watching this play out, _Dongho really was a saint for dealing with us back then_.

He blinks, and they're standing on the deck of the boat, Jun bouncing in his light-up sneakers and Jaewon staring out at the sea.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Jun chirps, and Jaewon turns, gaze landing on the smaller boy sitting on the railing. "'m gonna be cool like hyungie!"

The Jaewon of now understands what he means.

They went swimming that day - Dongho and their parents - but Jaewon and Jun had to stay on the boat, deemed too young to swim in the great blue sea. Jun was upset by this - after all, Dongho was only a little bit older, so why couldn't he go? - and so he decided to-

"Watch me!" Jun crows, and Jaewon blinks as a splash rings through the air. 

_No._

_No-no-no-_

"Jun!" Dongho screams, and Jaewon blinks once more, watching as the boy launches himself off the boat and into the deep.

Their parents are screaming, shouting, and Dongho's father leaps in, disappearing under the waves as well, and Jaewon just... keeps reading his book.

What an innocent child he was back then.

Eventually, Dongho's father drags the older boy out of the sea, sobbing and sputtering, and his mother stares at them, pain flickering in her eyes.

"Jun?"

Dongho bursts into tears once more, and his mother joins him.

...was that really the last time he saw him cry?

There- he must have seen Dongho cry again. Surely. Maybe at their parents' funeral...?

As the memory dissipates, Jaewon blinks, a coincidence suddenly occurring to him.

Jun.

 _Junsu_. 

Oh god, oh god, Junsu-

* * *

He opens his eyes with Daehyun and Minsoo leaning over him and a name he no longer knows on his lips.

"Holy shit," Minsoo breathes, and Jaewon blinks, rolling over to stare at them.

"Hyung- your tail-"

The scales are dark and dried, flaking off and leaving raw skin, and Minsoo shakes his head, pushing a lock of wet hair back from Jaewon's face.

"Why did you run off like that, huh? And we catch up, and you're just _lying there_ \- we thought you were _dead_!"

Jaewon blinks at him, turning to stare at Daehyun, and _oh_ , Daehyun _is_ crying, Jaewon's free hand pressed to his cheek and tears leaking from his eyes.

"Oh, Dae..."

The room's dark, he realizes, no trace of the memory it once held. The memory-

what was it?

"I can't remember," he murmurs, and Minsoo stares at him, eyes wide with horror. "There's something- _someone_ I'm forgetting-"

He runs over it in his mind- _DonghoMomDadMrs.KangMr.Kang_ \- and comes up blank.

Who is he missing?

"Your brother?" Minsoo asks, and that _sounds right_ , but-

"I remember Dongho-hyung," he slowly replies, "but I..."

 _I feel like I'm still missing something_.

Minsoo and Daehyun stare at him, eyes _sad sad sad_ , and Jaewon realizes they must know exactly how it feels.

And that _scares him_.

* * *

When they get back in the water, neither Minsoo nor Daehyun speak for a long, long time. 

Jaewon drifts aimlessly through the sea, trying to dredge up memories - he's forgetting something, he's forgetting something, _what is he forgetting?_ \- and occasionally Minsoo or Daehyun will adjust his path with a gentle nudge, keeping him from face-planting into an iceberg.

Honestly, he'd probably prefer the iceberg.

At least then he wouldn't be locked in this endless limbo of questioning.

"What happened?" Daehyun finally asks, and Jaewon stares out into the distant darkness, unsure of how to respond.

"...there was a memory. One of mine."

"And?" Minsoo prompts, and Jaewon squints, trying to dredge up the memory.

"...there was a green jewel, and I touched it. Was there- was there a jewel when you guys came in?"

"We didn't see anything glowing," Minsoo frowns, "but it could've been there still?"

"Ah..."

"Hey," Minsoo murmurs, reaching over to grasp Jaewon's hand. "Are you okay?"

Jaewon blinks at him, eyes widening for a moment, and Minsoo's expression adopts an uncharacteristic seriousness. "I know how it feels to not remember the important things, so... if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"...thanks, hyung."

His gaze drifts to the sky - or, well, to what he _thinks_ is the sky - and he exhales, bubbles escaping his lips and floating up to the surface. "I should... I should head home."

"I'll-"

Daehyun glances at Minsoo - a warning - and Minsoo backs off, expression flickering with worry. "Do you want us to come with you?"

"...yeah. I think- I think I need someone."

Daehyun almost immediately plasters himself to Jaewon's side, webbed fingers intertwining with Jaewon's own, and Minsoo floats by their side, a gentle smile on his lips as he points towards the horizon.

"Hey- how about a party tomorrow night? We normally do them for the full moon, and that's tomorrow night, so... do you wanna come?"

"Ah- sure?"

"Great!" Minsoo grins, taking off towards the horizon. "C'mon! I'll race you back to Korean waters!"

"You have a head start!" Daehyun shrieks, tugging Jaewon along with him as he shoots towards the retreating siren, and _oh_ , Jaewon thinks, _this is nice_.

Even if... even if he can't remember everything, he'll remember his friends.

(god, he hopes he'll remember his friends.)

* * *

Jaewon still isn't home.

Dongho's fingers drum over the windowsill, gaze straying back to the sea no matter where he places it. It's kind of hard to ignore it, what with a house that faces the ocean, but _god_ does he not want to see it right now. 

Jaewon - his little brother in all but blood - isn't home, and the field trip was supposed to be out at seven, and it's almost ten, and _Jaewon isn't home_.

God, Dongho hopes he's not sailing.

It's a little bit ironic - owning a house near the sea while hating it more than anything else - but Dongho couldn't uproot Jaewon so soon after the funeral, and there was the flower shop to take care of, and-

He just... doesn't want to lose Jaewon.

His nails tap on the wood - _tck-a-tck-a-tck-a-tck-a_ \- and he stares out at the sea once more, a bitter sort of despair welling up in his chest.

Maybe- maybe he'll schedule a trip to the aquarium! Yeah. That... that might fix this.

His gaze drifts out the doorway, landing on the open door to Jaewon's room, and _oh_.

The quarters sit on his desk, left unused.

(it shouldn't hurt as much as it does.)

 _God_ , does he want Jaewon to have a better life - a better high school experience than he had, friendless and alone and _aching_ \- but he just.

He has _no idea how_.

His grip tightens on the windowsill, and he ducks his head, letting his dark hair tickle his cheeks. 

God, their parents would be so much better at this. They'd know what to do - know how to coax Jaewon out of whatever hole he's found himself in - while Dongho can do nothing but watch. 

He turns away, shutting the window and leaning against the wall, and his eyes _burn_ with unshed tears, just like they have for the last three years of his life. 

There's just... too much silence.

(dongho's never been good with silence.)

* * *

"Do you ever wonder?"

Jun raises his head, eyes widening slightly at the sight of Daehyun floating in front of him.

"Wonder about what?"

"You have a family out there," Daehyun points out, and Jun exhales, eyes shutting ever-so-slightly.

"I try not to think about it."

"But- someone must be missing you, right?"

"It doesn't matter."

"But-"

"It _doesn't matter_."

Jun stares at the wall, expression carefully blank as his nails shred through kelp. "I'm a _siren_. Whatever I was doesn't matter."

"...you never wonder?"

And what-

what can Jun say to that?

Of course he wonders. _God_ , of _course_ he wonders - who could he have been if he hadn't died? Who could he have been if not for the day he dove into the waves? - but it _doesn't matter_.

And yes, sometimes he sees a boy - a man, now - walking along the seaside with the same dark hair and sharp eyes as him. Yes, sometimes he sees him and wonders if they're related, but it _doesn't matter_.

(it matters. it matters so, so much, because what if that was his brother? what if that was his father? what if that was someone so, so important to him, and he just _forgot_ -)

He has a family and a boyfriend here, so what could have been doesn't matter.

(even if it does.)

(jun likes lying to himself. likes pretending that he's above it all. likes pretending that he doesn't want to be human in a way that _aches_.)

"No," he finally replies, letting the shredded bits of kelp fall from his fingers. "No, I don't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, we're getting a full dongho chapter soon :)
> 
> his theme is so big/so small from deh so.... that sets the tone for angst :)
> 
> as always, unbeta'd, pls lmk abt typos!! and comment your favorite line, too!! it makes me so happy to see :D


	5. Chapter 5

Somehow, Dongho buys Jaewon being invited to a party.

He has literally no idea why his older brother would believe him - Jaewon's notorious for having _no friends_ , and yet Dongho's letting him run around with people he hasn't even met? - but he doesn't comment on the dark circles rimming Dongho's eyes or the desperation etched over his face, so Dongho doesn't comment on what he must assume is a blatant lie.

Of course, it's true, which brings up an entire _host_ of different problems.

Jaewon can't do makeup, clearly - it's gonna be in the ocean, after all - but that doesn't mean he can't stress about what shirt to wear or what to bring or _the fact that he's going to a party_.

See-

even Before, he wasn't a huge social butterfly, but after that, he just... became a sort of social pariah. 

(understatement.)

He's just... _that weird kid_. The kid nobody talks to, the kid people will "hmm" about if they hear their name but never really remember much more than that... to the wider population, he's invisible.

(the bruises are not invisible. it would be nicer if they were.)

The point is this: he has never been invited to a party before.

He rakes a hand through his hair, gaze drifting to the clock on the wall, and _oh god oh fuck Minsoo's coming in five minutes he has to go now_.

He grabs his keys and phone, yanks on a jacket, and races down the stairs, nearly slipping a few times before he finally manages to make it to the door. "I'm heading out, hyung!"

No response.

Is Dongho even home?

Ah, well.

He yanks open the door and tugs it shut behind him, taking off at a dead sprint for the cove. He may not have shoes, or literally any plans whatsoever, but this is _fine_.

He's doing _fine_.

By the time he skids to a stop, Minsoo's waiting for him, lips curled in an amused smile and silver hair stuck to his cheeks. "You made it!"

"Sorry," Jaewon gasps, dropping to his knees and gasping for breath. "Ah..."

"Are you okay?"

"Just... just ran here. I'm... I'm fine."

Minsoo, the absolute saint he is, waits as Jaewon remembers how oxygen works. What a nice guy.

Finally, Jaewon pulls off his jacket and shirt, folding them, his phone, and his keys up in a small bundle before shimmying out of his shorts. "Who's going to be there?"

"Jun, Taehyuk," Minsoo counts, listing them off on his claws, "Jiho, Sungmin, and Dae. I think."

"Sungmin-ah is coming?"

"He's bringing the drinks," Minsoo laughs, and Jaewon nods thoughtfully. "C'mon!"

* * *

The place they end up in is a small rock outcropping in the middle of the sea.

Sungmin's sitting on the rocks when they arrive, a cooler at his feet and a bright smile on his lips, and Jiho and Daehyun float around the rock, apparently holding a casual conversation about... fish procreation?

Jaewon really, _really_ doesn't wanna know.

"Look who I brought!" Minsoo crows, and Daehyun beams, swimming over to wrap Jaewon in a tight hug.

"You made it!"

"Of course!" Jaewon grins, and Daehyun's smile widens as he drags Jaewon over to the rock.

"Sungminnie-yah, Sungminnie-yah, Sungminnie-yah, can you deal now?"

"You play cards?" Jaewon asks, and Daehyun shrugs.

"It was Sungminnie-yah's idea."

"I'm sorry about last time!' Sungmin exclaims, pulling out a box and starting to shuffle some cards. "I didn't want to make you upset..."

"Kinda hard not to do," Minsoo mutters, and Daehyun flicks his forehead. 

"It's fine!" Jaewon exclaims, and Sungmin beams, passing a few cards to everyone.

"Don't get them wet!" Jiho calls, leaning up to kiss Sungmin's cheek. "I actually like this game!"

"Shocker," Jun drawls, and Jaewon nearly shrieks at the sight of Jun and Taehyuk approaching, mostly due to the _copious amount of shells in their hair_. 

"What happened to you?" Minsoo asks, and Jun shrugs.

"We ran into a cave and found some crabs," Taehyuk states, trying to surreptitiously rub at his bright red ear. "What're we playing tonight?"

"Cards Against Humanity!" Jiho cries, and Jun snags a bottle from the cooler.

* * *

By the end of the night, everyone save Jaewon is more than a little buzzed - Jiho in particular seems to have forgotten that he's in the water, and has dropped his cards in the sea at least fifteen times. After around the twentieth card's horrible death, Jaewon suggests they play Never Have I Ever - which is a thing people do, right? - and the others agree, albeit a bit dazedly. 

In hindsight, maybe he should've asked when people were still sober.

Daehyun's floating around and staring up at the sky, lips slightly parted and hair spilling around him in the sea. Minsoo keeps giggling at whatever anyone says, Taehyuk seems to have fallen asleep on the rock, Sungmin has not frowned _once_ the entire night, and Jun...

is still seemingly sober?

In the end, the game turns into more Jun and Jaewon asking each other questions while the others do their things, and given the way Jiho and Sungmin are currently sucking face, Jaewon thinks that's probably for the best.

"So," Jun starts, "what's your favorite thing to do?"

"Ah- there's an aquarium a few hours away!" Jaewon exclaims, eyes lighting up at the opportunity to talk about his favorite place. "Dongho-hyung's mom took me and Dongho there a few times, and then when... I don't remember why, but she didn't wanna take us anymore, so when Dongho-hyung got his permit, he'd drive us there! We'd spend the whole day down there - get lunch on the road, spend a few hours there, and then get home in time for dinner. It's where I got this necklace!"

"That's sweet," Jun murmurs, and Jaewon nods, reaching up to rub the charm with his thumb.

"It's the best... how about you?"

"There's this place a few hours away where you can see the _perfect_ sunrise," Jun murmurs, gaze drifting off into the distance. "It's got these mountains, yeah, so they make the sun look _even better_ than it usually does. Taehyukkie and I like to go there."

He reaches over to rest his hand in Taehyuk's hair, and Jaewon watches them, a gentle smile on his lips. 

"...you like him?"

"Yeah," Jun whispers, gaze sliding back to Jaewon's face. "...I have a kinda weird question for you, Jaewon-ah."

"Ah- ask away!"

"...do you know a really strong guy with dark hair?"

Jaewon blinks at him, and Jun sighs, tipping his head back to gaze into the starry expanse of sky. 

"I figured it was a long shot."

"...what was he wearing?"

"Pants," Jun dryly replies, "and a jacket. He usually wears a black jacket and sometimes has like... plant bits stuck in his hair?"

"That's my brother!"

Jun stares at him before laughing, and _oh_ , Jun has a nice laugh, light and pealing and _free_. "Figures. Of _course_ your brother would look nothing like you."

"Ah- we're kinda... not biological brothers?"

"Oh?"

"We lived next to each other our entire lives, and our parents were best friends," Jaewon explains, and Jun nods. "Some things happened, and now it's just us."

Jun looks like he's about to question further, but then Sungmin promptly belly-flops into the sea, and the conversation cuts off in favor of rescuing their resident human from drowning.

* * *

For reasons unknown, Jun insists on escorting Jaewon home after they drop Sungmin off on the beach. 

Jaewon's willing to chalk it up to morbid curiosity - Jun drowned young, so it makes sense - but Jun keeps staring wistfully at the buildings they pass, so Jaewon's left to wonder if there might be something more going on. 

Ah, well.

Finally, Jun deposits him at his cove, and Jaewon pulls his clothes back on, ruffling his hair before turning back to Jun. 

"Thank you for taking me home, Jun-ah!"

"Any time," Jun replies, dipping back under the waves.

Jaewon pads back up to the house with his feet aching - he's not sure if that's from the transformation, or from the fact that he forgot to bring shoes - and once he finally gets inside, he has to spend the next five minutes toweling sand off his feet. 

Mistakes were made. 

He heads in for the kitchen, intent on grabbing a snack of some sort, when he comes up short at the sight of Dongho asleep, head pillowed in his arms and two plates of spaghetti sitting out in front of him.

Oh, Dongho...

It occurs to him all at once that _he didn't think about dinner at all_ when he was with Minsoo and the others, and _oh_ , how long must Dongho have waited to fall asleep here?

He scoops up his plate and heads for his room, bare feet tapping against the wood as he heads up the stairs. He places the plate on his desk and swaps out his salt-filled clothes for soft pajamas, and he takes a seat at his desk, pulling out his homework and flicking on the light. 

His pasta isn't very appetizing - the sauce has congealed and the noodles are oddly slimy - but he eats it without complaint. Dongho made it, after all, and he clearly put care into it, so he'll eat it no matter how not-food-like it tastes. 

(also, there's the fact that it would've been great if he had _remembered_ -)

Stop.

He flips open his textbook and gets to work, opting to ignore the burning of his eyes and the throbbing in his feet. After all, this is just... the price he has to pay.

* * *

School the next day is _hell_.

By the time classes get out, he's sure he has ten new bruises on his back from where Minseok slammed him into the locker, and his history essay is now absolutely covered in soda, so he's going to have to make a detour to reprint it. 

Great.

But hey! At least he can stop in and see Dongho!

He swings by the library, printing out his essay and jamming it into his soda-covered backpack. He washes his hair in the bathroom sink, too - it's still sticky from the soda Minseok dumped on his head - and it's only lethargically dripping once he arrives at their family's flower shop.

Dongho's working when he comes in, gloves on and hair just a bit frizzy from the humidity. Jaewon dumps his bag at the door, taking a seat by the window, and he watches as Dongho's deft hands tie together a bouquet, finally wrapping it in paper and placing it on the counter.

He looks tired, Jaewon thinks, gaze landing on his brother's abused lower lip. God, he deserves a break.

Dongho exhales, raking a hand through his hair, and Jaewon can see the exact moment he catches sight of him - his eyes light up, he straightens a bit, and most of the vestiges of exhaustion drain from his face.

It's a little concerning, honestly.

"Jaewon-ah," Dongho greets, raising a hand as he leans against the counter. "How was school?"

"Pretty good," Jaewon smiles, and Dongho dips his head.

"Why're you here?"

"I missed you," Jaewon simply replies, and Dongho's expression softens just a bit.

"...I'm sorry I'm never home, Jaewon-ah. But it's- it's gonna get better soon."

Somehow, Jaewon knows that's not what Dongho originally meant to say. 

"I know," Jaewon simply replies, and Dongho smiles, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

He's been doing that a lot lately, Jaewon thinks. 

"Do you want to help me with the flowers?"

Dongho gestures vaguely to the shop - as if that'll explain exactly which flowers he means - and Jaewon winces, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

"Ah, actually, hyung, I have a lot of homework to do..."

A hint of disappointment flickers in Dongho's eyes before it's covered up, and Jaewon feels _guilt_ hit him like a semitruck.

"Actually-"

"Go do your homework," Dongho shoos, gesturing to the door with his brows scrunched together. "If you need my help, you can always call me or text me."

"Ah... are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

"If you have homework, then go do it," Dongho scolds, and Jaewon nods, scooping up his backpack with wooden arms. 

"Ah... alright, then. I'll see you later."

God, he wishes he actually had homework.

(god, he wishes he wasn't just going to see minsoo and the others again. wishes he had bailed. wishes he had spent hours making bouquets with his brother like they used to-)

...but that's the thing about lies, isn't it?

They'll always catch up to you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's song: wishlist by txt
> 
> NO PLOT MOTION IN THIS CHAPTER LOOK AT ME GOOOOOOO
> 
> obviously unbeta'd, please lmk abt typos
> 
> also comments,,, give me fuel,,,, the longer the better,,,,,, pls comment,,,,,,


	6. Chapter 6

"Ah... hyung?"

Jaewon tip-toes into the room, socked feet tapping gently against the wooden floor. It's dark - so late it's early - and Dongho's still awake, his chin resting on his hand and dark hair messy from where he's been running his hands through it.

For a moment, Jaewon feels absolutely awful.

"Are you... are you still awake?"

Dongho flinches, eyes snapping open - and _oh_ , he was asleep, or if not asleep, well on his way - and Jaewon feels a twinge of guilt in his chest. 

"Yeah," Dongho mumbles, gaze dropping back to the papers in front of him. "What's going on, little otter?"

"Ah... can I go spend the night with Minsoo-hyung?"

Dongho blinks at him for a moment, and Jaewon can see the gears turning in his head. "...where does he live?"

"Ah- on the other side of school!"

Dongho stares at him for a moment longer before nodding, and Jaewon smiles, though it's a bit brittle. 

"Thank you, hyung!"

"You can bring him here next time, if you want," Dongho adds, and Jaewon nods once more.

"I'll ask. Thanks, hyung!"

With that, he heads off for his room, guilt sitting heavy in his chest.

...he doesn't _want_ to lie to Dongho. He doesn't _want_ to pretend like he's going to a friend's house, doesn't _want_ to pretend like he's going to be somewhere he's not. 

He just...

he can't lose his memories of his brother. 

He scoops up his backpack, stuffing a towel and change of clothes in it, and heads for the door, a dull ache settling in his gut.

...he's doing this for his brother. Even if... even if it means his grades are plummeting and sleep feels like a distant dream.

He's doing it for his brother.

* * *

Minsoo and Daehyun are waiting for him when he arrives at the cove, and he shucks off his backpack, sliding into the water with ease. 

The sun isn't up yet, so the water is nearly pitch-black - hundreds of unseen threats lurking in its depths. Luckily for Jaewon, Minsoo seems to know exactly where he's going - he cuts through the water with purpose - and so Jaewon follows, somewhat put at ease.

The swim takes well over eight hours, and they spend it playing odd little travel games - "I Spy" and "Never Have I Ever" chief among them (Jaewon did not know Minsoo once ate a live fish whole, and he would have been fine spending his entire life without knowing that) - though once they're almost there, Daehyun stops short. 

"What?" Minsoo asks, turning to stare at the golden-haired siren. 

"Look!"

Jaewon squints out at where Daehyun's pointing, but he can't see anything more than endless sea.

"What...?"

"He's finally lost it," Minsoo laments, leaning back to stare up at the sky. "I knew it was coming."

"No!" Daehyun protests, gesturing wildly at the distance. "It's a reef!"

"Oh," Minsoo and Jaewon breathe, and Daehyun beams, shooting off into the distance.

"Come on!"

Jaewon follows, albeit at a more sedate pace, but as soon as he catches sight of the coral reef, all his breath leaves his lungs. 

It's _stunning_.

Fish weave in and out of multicolored coral, and some more fragile types sway in a gentle current, seemingly frail enough to snap with one finger. Jaewon watches as Daehyun dips down to twirl just above the coral, and _oh_ , this is stunning - his golden hair looks perfectly at home alongside all these bright colors, and his smile could blind the sun. 

"Wow," Jaewon intelligently states, and Daehyun giggles, grin widening as a fish swims through his hair.

"Come down!"

It's odd, Jaewon thinks, floating closer - Daehyun could pass for human, if not for the webbed hands and bright red tail. For a moment, he dwells on it - how Daehyun would look as a human - then promptly snaps back to reality at the feeling of a fish bumping against his hand.

"A-Ah! I'm so sorry!"

"Did you apologize to a fish?" Minsoo giggles, and Jaewon wilts.

"...maybe..."

"You wouldn't apologize?" Daehyun gasps, pressing a hand to his chest. "I can't believe you! What if you ran into it?"

"...it's a fish."

"Fish have feelings, too!"

Jaewon can't help it - he laughs. Not because the situation is particularly funny, but because he's _happy_ \- happy to be here with Daehyun and Minsoo, happy to be in a place this beautiful, happy to have _friends_.

"Wh- _why are you laughing_?"

"I'm happy!" Jaewon exclaims, and Minsoo freezes, eyes widening.

"Uh. Oh. That's... that's great!"

* * *

As it turns out, Daehyun was right on the mark with his coral reef. 

The second nexus is in the center of the reef, much to Minsoo's chagrin (Jaewon suspects it has more to do with him being wrong than the actual location) and they swim through a huge amount of clumped coral before entering into a massive ball of water.

"Wow," Daehyun breathes, staring around at the space. "What _is_ this?"

Images play across the walls, scenes shifting perspective or focus at a whim. Some seem to be from a child's point of view, and others from an adult's, and as Jaewon stares at them, he understands what this is.

"...those are Dongho-hyung's parents."

Oh, no.

He stares at the deep golden gem embedded in the center of the ball, and he floats closer, taking in the golden cracks emanating from it. It's seemingly innocuous - there's no hint of what it will hold - but the longer Jaewon stares at it, the more he can almost hear his brother's parents.

"Jaewon... ah?" Minsoo murmurs, and before Jaewon can second-guess it, he reaches out to grasp the stone. 

A cracking sound rings through the air, and the world explodes in light.

* * *

"Did you hear?"

Mrs. Kang stares at him, lips curled into a gentle smile and dark hair falling around her face in waves. "Dongho-yah got accepted to the college of his dreams!"

She was soft-spoken, Jaewon remembers - quiet, calm, caring in a way her husband wasn't - and watching his younger self stare at her, pain flickering in his eyes, he can only wonder why he didn't see it back then.

"I know," younger-Jaewon murmurs, twisting and untwisting the cord around his neck. 

"...what's wrong, Jaewonnie-yah?"

"...he's gonna leave me, isn't he?"

"Oh, Jaewonnie-"

"I don't... I don't wanna hold him back," younger-Jaewon mumbles, gaze falling to his clenched fists. "He's... he's gonna go be a great actor, isn't he? The best?"

"Of course," Mrs. Kang smiles, and younger-Jaewon sniffs, reaching up to scrub his cheeks. "Oh, Jaewon-ah... he's not gonna forget about you."

"I'm just his stupid little brother," younger-Jaewon gasps, voice laced with old pain. "An' I'm not- 'm not even his _real_ brother, so why-"

"Of course you're his real brother," Mrs. Kang assures him, and younger-Jaewon shakes his head, reaching up to rub his eyes with his sleeve.

"'m not... 'm not Jun. Jun should be here, not... not me..."

"He doesn't believe that," Mrs. Kang states, and younger-Jaewon sniffs pathetically. 

"B-But... why?"

"You grew up with him," Mrs. Kang soothes, reaching over to wipe his tears. "You're his little brother, Jaewon-ah. I promise you that."

"But he's- but he's so _cool_ ," younger-Jaewon wails, hot tears streaking down his cheeks. "He's so- so much cooler than me-"

"You're special, Jaewon-ah," Mrs. Kang assures him, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. "Trust me. I know these kinds of things."

"H-How?"

"Mother's intuition," she grins, and younger-Jaewon, despite himself, smiles.

...she always was like that, wasn't she?

Jaewon stares at her - at the faint smile lines on her face, at the dark hair falling around her face - and decides that _this must have been the last time he saw her_.

She was always like that, he remembers - always smiling, always calm, always caring - and for a moment, the _missing_ aches like a new wound.

"Is that Jaewon-ah I hear?" someone calls, and younger-Jaewon perks up as Mr. Kang enters the room, a bright smile on his lips and jacket slung over one shoulder.

Mr. Kang was his mom's business partner, he remembers - the two of them ran the flower shop together. He was always kind - the kind of person to carry around candy for his kids to cheer them up after a bad day - and Jaewon watches as his younger self darts over to give him a hug.

"It's great to see you!" Mr. Kang grins, reaching down to ruffle younger-Jaewon's hair. "Are you excited for tomorrow?"

"Dongho-hyung and I are gonna go to the aquarium!" younger-Jaewon enthuses, and Mr. Kang nods, a secretive smile on his lips.

"Are you gonna get the whale treats?"

"Yeah!"

"Grab one for me," he winks, and younger-Jaewon grins, scampering off for the door. 

"I will! Bye, Mr. and Mrs. Kang!"

...that was the last time he saw them, Jaewon decides, watching as the door shuts behind his younger self. After all, they went to the aquarium the next day, and they came back, and...

well.

He doesn't want to remember that very much.

The edges of his visions start to fade to black, and he lunges forwards, desperate for one more moment, one more memory, _just one more_ -

* * *

When he opens his eyes, he's lying on a beach.

"You're awake!" someone gasps, and Jaewon blinks as someone leans over him, their wet hair dripping on his face.

Ah. Minsoo.

"He's awake!" Minsoo calls, and Jaewon groans, rolling over to mash his face into the sand.

God, he's sore. His legs hurt, his head hurts, _everything_ hurts.

Why does everything hurt?

"Are you okay?" someone asks, and Jaewon blinks up at Daehyun before squinting against the sun.

"...just sore."

"Good," Daehyun breathes, sliding off him and back into the water. "You scared us!"

"...how long was I out?"

"Like four hours," Minsoo frowns, gesturing up at the rising sun. "Maybe longer. Timezones are weird."

"Oh..."

Jaewon lets his eyes slide shut, the warmth of the sun wrapping him in its gentle embrace. "'m gonna... gonna nap for a bit. 's that okay?"

"Sure," Minsoo replies, and Jaewon nods - or tries to. He's not sure if he succeeds. 

...he should get home, shouldn't he? If he wants to see Dongho today?

But, as always, sleep is so _tantalizingly close_ , and surely it couldn't hurt to just... nap a little longer. 

Right?

Right.

* * *

When he opens his eyes for the second time, he's lying on a bed.

Correction: not _a_ bed. _His_ bed. 

How did he get here?

"You're awake," someone murmurs, and Jaewon blinks up at a fuzzy face, brows scrunching in concentration as he tries to make the person out.

Oh.

It's Dongho.

"Hey, foxy-hyung," Jaewon mumbles, and the corner of Dongho's mouth quirks up in a half-grin. 

"...how are you feeling?"

"Sore," Jaewon admits, stretching out his legs under the blankets. "What... what happened?"

"You came home last night," Dongho informs him, and Jaewon nods, relaxing back into the sheets. "...how was it?"

"Fun," Jaewon vaguely replies, and Dongho's brows scrunch together, but he doesn't add anything more. 

"...I'll make breakfast?"

"Sure!" Jaewon beams, and Dongho nods, a series of emotions flickering on his face.

Were Jaewon more awake, he could decipher them - put a name to every single micro-expression definitively - but he _isn't_. 

So instead, he just nods, eyes drifting shut once more. 

"...thanks, hyungie."

He doesn't know what he's saying "thanks" for, exactly, just that... just that he feels he should.

With that, he drifts off into dreams - dreams of things he doesn't quite remember and faces that sit just out of his reach, dreams of missing moments and days and _emotion_.

...they're nice dreams.

* * *

Jaewon's lying to him.

God, Dongho knows he's lying to him. He _knows_ , because there are very few things more terrifying than waking up, finding your little brother gone seemingly from the face of the earth, and then finding him lying on the beach the next morning.

He just.

What is he doing wrong?

What is he doing wrong for Jaewon to skip school with people who don't even exist and lie to him?

He exhales, gaze dropping to the bowl in front of him.

...he shouldn't cry in the pancake batter. After all, nobody wants salty Tuesday morning pancakes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...did you catch the extra angst if so good for you
> 
> please leave a comment they fuel me and make me smile :D
> 
> as always unbeta'd please lmk abt typos


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm glad you could make it, Mr. Kang."

Dongho internally winces at the name, but he manages to keep his expression neutral as he stares at his former history teacher. "I'm glad to be here."

That's a lie.

"Shall we cut to the chase?" Mrs. Choi asks, and Dongho dips his head in silent agreement.

His former teacher places a stack of papers on the table, and Dongho stares at them for a moment, taking in the red coating the page and the bold _43_ circled at the top of the page.

Now, he's never liked Mrs. Choi, and she's never liked him. She _despised_ the way their parents lived - close enough to be a different kind of family - and always took off points for the most minute of mistakes, which is why Dongho doesn't doubt that happened here.

But at the same time, a forty-three is _far_ outside the margin of error.

"What happened?" he asks, and Mrs. Choi's lips curl into a wolfish grin, eyes sparkling with the sadistic delight Dongho remembers so well.

Goddammit. Looks like she's as much of a bitch as he remembered.

"Your _brother_ ," and she treats the word like an expletive, consonants made sharp and stabbing, "has missed two classes in the last _week_ and regularly falls asleep in class. Perhaps you could explain that, _Mr. Kang_?"

"You gave me a failing grade on my paper about Japan's cultural impact on Korea," Dongho drawls, resting his chin on his hand. "Call me Dongho."

Mrs. Choi's brow twitches, and the corner of Dongho's mouth ticks upwards just slightly. 

God, does he hate this woman.

" _You_ ," Mrs. Choi spits, "are just as _irresponsible_ and _reckless_ as the fools you called _parents_."

"And you're as much of a bitch as I remember," Dongho evenly replies, scooping the tests off the table. "I'll talk to him about it. We're done here."

"You-"

"Goodbye, Mrs. Choi."

On the way home, Dongho flips through the papers in his hands, frown deepening at the sight of numerous _blatantly_ incorrect answers. This isn't just misspelling (which dongho lost points on numerous times, _fuck you very much mrs. choi_ ) but rather just... completely incorrect answers.

Dongho stares at the papers for a few long minutes, the streaks of red burning themselves into his brain, and all he can think of is _why?_

What's happening to his little brother?

* * *

"Are you nervous?"

Minsoo floats in front of him, silver hair billowing around him, and Jaewon hesitates for an instant, feet nearly touching the water.

"...I always am."

He hops into the ocean, tail forming in instants, and when he opens his eyes, Daehyun and Minsoo float in front of him, both wearing twin expressions of concern.

Jaewon doesn't like this. Never _has_ liked this - seeing the way concern scrunches their brows together, seeing the way they look at him, like he's fragile, _breakable_. And sure, he's scared - he's fucking _terrified_ that something's going to go wrong, that he'll end up a siren forever, never able to see his brother again - but he doesn't want to see it on someone else's face as well.

It makes it real, almost.

"Jaewon-ah..." Minsoo trails off, pain flickering in his eyes, and Jaewon smiles, because he _hates_ seeing Minsoo hurt on his behalf.

"I'm fine, hyung."

"...are you sure?"

And _oh_ , it hurts hearing that flicker of doubt in Minsoo's voice - concern mingling with something close to fear - so Jaewon tightens his smile and tries to calm the rabbit-beating of his heart. 

"Yeah, hyung. I'm fine."

"...alright."

"Let's go!" Daehyun chirps, floating forwards to grasp Jaewon's wrist. It's a strange feeling - Daehyun's claws wrap around his wrist, freezing despite the water - and Jaewon shivers despite himself as Daehyun tugs him forwards, the current pushing his hair back. 

For a moment, he lets himself wonder what Daehyun and Minsoo would be like as humans. Would Minsoo be some kind of hipster skater boy? Would Daehyun wear crooked glasses and oversized flannels?

He'll get to know once he breaks the curse, won't he?

...if he breaks the curse.

"What're you thinking about?" Daehyun asks, and Jaewon blinks, jolted out of his reverie.

"Ah- nothing! Let's get going!"

Before either one can question him further, he heads off towards the horizon, acutely aware of Daehyun and Minsoo's gazes on his back.

* * *

"...I'm worried about Jaewon-ah."

Daehyun nods, gaze pinned on the half-siren's back. "He's... he seems so stressed..."

"The stress isn't what I mean," Minsoo frowns, one claw digging into the skin of his forearm. "He didn't even mention school when he came to meet us today."

"...you think...?"

"I hope not," Minsoo murmurs, pain flickering in his eyes, "but I think so."

The pair lapse into silence, and Daehyun drifts forwards, the only sound the gentle ripple of the waves. He can hear distant bubbles floating to the surface, can smell distant fish, but in the moment, his world has narrowed to the two sirens around him. 

...is Minsoo right?

He doesn't want to consider that possibility - the possibility that Jaewon might really forget his entire human life before he can break the curse - but as time slips on, it looks more and more likely. And that... that isn't fair.

What did Jaewon do to deserve this?

"You're worrying," Minsoo murmurs, reaching over to poke the space between Daehyun's eyes. "Don't worry. Jaewon-ah will be fine. He has us, after all."

"Yeah..." Daehyun trails off, gaze flitting to the dark-haired siren up ahead. "He will be, won't he?"

It's less of a rhetorical question and more a desperate plea for reassurance, and Minsoo picks up on it.

Of course he does. Minsoo's known him ever since Daehyun first met him, and his first memory is still of a brown-haired siren with a fire in his eyes and a brilliant smile. If there's _anyone_ who will know what Daehyun means, it's Minsoo.

"We'll stay by his side," Minsoo promises, reaching out to grasp Daehyun's hand. "No matter what happens."

"...yeah. Yeah, we will."

And that, more than anything else, Daehyun knows to be true.

* * *

For the next nexus they find, Jaewon goes in alone.

The other two agree to wait outside - though Minsoo told Jaewon in _no_ uncertain terms that if he takes longer than an hour, they're coming in to haul him out - so Jaewon heads in alone, heart pounding in his chest.

As soon as he enters the cave, the world plunges into darkness and all the air leaves Jaewon's lungs.

He doubles over, gasping for air that isn't coming, and as he tries to regain his breath, images flicker to life on the walls, all painted in the same shade of blue.

No.

"Mom," he breathes, staring up at the images covering the walls. "Dad..."

His parents look just like he remembered them in the images on the walls, both of them sporting bright smiles in every memory. His mother - god, he misses his mom - smiles at him with that same loving smile, and his dad looks at him like he's proud, like Jaewon's done him well, and _oh_ , he's crying.

Dongho's done so well, but nothing can replace his mom and dad.

His gaze drifts to the center of the cave, and his eyes widen at the sight of a bright blue stone hovering in the water, the light emanating from it painting the cave's walls a brilliant cerulean.

...he's going to forget his mom and dad.

The thought wallops him like a two-by-four, and he bends over double for a moment, heart _aching_ with the realization.

He's going to forget his mom and dad.

He's going to forget the people who raised him, the people who loves him, and he's one of the last people who _does_ remember them, and he's going to _forget_ -

something bumps against his hand.

He stares down, eyes widening at the sight of his otter charm bumping against his closed fist, and his lips curl into a small smile at the sight.

That's right.

He'll still have Dongho, won't he?

He reaches up, rubbing his thumb over the charm, and it still has the same dips and grooves, even now.

He'll still have Dongho.

Before he can stop himself, he darts forwards and grasps the gem-

and the world explodes in light.

* * *

"Are you sure you're going to be alright?"

Jaewon's mother brushes a lock of hair back from his face, and younger-Jaewon nods, a bright smile on his lips.

"It's gonna be great! Hyung and I are gonna go to the aquarium!"

"There's a shark exhibit," Dongho supplies, reaching down to ruffle younger-Jaewon's hair. "He's really excited."

Younger-Jaewon bounces on the balls of his feet, and his mother smiles, pressing a quick kiss to the crown of his head. She straightens, stuffing her hands in her pockets, and younger-Jaewon pulls out his phone to read up on the shark exhibit as his mother presses a wad of bills into Dongho's hand.

"Thank you for taking him again, Dongho-yah. We'll be home by ten."

"What, am I the babysitter now?" Dongho quips, resting his arm on younger-Jaewon's head. "Jaewon-ah is my little brother. It's my pleasure."

Younger-Jaewon twists to look up at him, and Dongho grins, soft and relaxed.

How long has it been since he smiled like that? How long has it been since he _relaxed_?

Jaewon honestly can't remember.

"You don't need to worry," his mother continues, reaching up to place a hand on Dongho's shoulder. "It's just a quick boating trip to the next island. We'll be fine."

Dongho worries his lower lip between his teeth for a moment, and younger-Jaewon frowns, reaching up to toy with his otter charm. "Is everything alright, hyung?"

"Yeah, little otter," Dongho assures him, ruffling his hair once more. "I'll bring him back by eight."

"Alright," Jaewon's mother smiles, and Jaewon watches as she turns to call into the kitchen, a genuine spark of _joy_ still in her eyes. "Are you almost ready?"

"You're heading out already?" Jaewon's father asks, and Dongho nods, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"We want to beat the traffic."

"Alright. Make sure to take care of my boy now, will you?"

"I'll take care of hyung!" younger-Jaewon grins, and his father bursts into peals of bright, resounding laughter.

His dad always laughed like that, Jaewon remembers - bright and resounding and all-encompassing. He had a laugh that made other people laugh.

Had.

"I know you will, Jaewon-ah. Now - you two should get a move on if you're gonna beat the traffic!"

"Yep," Dongho hums, pulling out his keys. "Jaewon-ah, are you ready to go?"

Younger-Jaewon hesitates for a moment before darting forwards to hug his father, and the man laughs, reaching down to pet his hair.

"Hey, what's this? You never hug me!"

"Stay safe," younger-Jaewon mumbles, voice muffled by the fabric, and his dad smiles in response.

"We'll be safe, Jaewon-ah. See you at ten!"

Ten came and went, Jaewon recalls, and he finally went to bed around midnight while Dongho stayed awake waiting for them. And the next morning-

the next morning.

He doesn't like thinking about that.

But his younger self is following Dongho out the door, and so Jaewon tries to memorize his parents' faces even as they slip through his fingers like water.

His mother's smile, his father's laugh, his _mom and dad_ -

* * *

"...he's not changing back."

Minsoo stares at the unconscious form on the rock, gaze flitting between Jaewon's face and his bright red tail.

His tail that _has not dissolved_.

Oh, god.

"What can we do?" Daehyun whispers, fear flickering in his eyes. "He's- he's not waking up, hyung-"

_"Jaewon-ah!"_

"Fuck," Minsoo hisses, ducking under the water and grasping Daehyun's wrist. "That's his brother, we _gotta go_ -"

"Hyung, wait-"

Footsteps ring through the air, and Minsoo and Daehyun duck under the rock outcropping, unable to leave but still able to hear everything that's being said.

...in retrospect, they should've left.

"Jaewon-ah? Are you in here?"

Footsteps on rock, and a sudden intake of breath.

There's silence for a moment. Long, long, painful silence.

"...Jaewon-ah?"

And _god_ , the man sounds pained - voice breaking and cracking with each syllable - and Minsoo suddenly wishes they didn't have to hear this at all.

Fabric rustles, and Minsoo peers up and over the rock just long enough to see the man's cradling Jaewon's head to his chest, hand pressed to his hair and head bowed.

A tear drips on the rock, and that's when Minsoo makes the executive decision to _get the fuck out of dodge_.

He grabs Daehyun's wrist and hauls him under the water, swimming out of the cove as quickly as he can.

He doesn't know if the man noticed. 

(maybe it'd be better if he didn't.)

(maybe it'd be nicer if he could imagine minsung grieving that way for him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter,,,,,
> 
> n e x t c h a p t e r : )
> 
> pls leave a comment,,,,, i crave comments,,,,,,,,
> 
> also not beta read so if you wanna leave a comment to point out my dumbassery feel free to do that as well :D


	8. Chapter 8: dongho's interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls listen to DEH's "So Big/So Small" while reading <3

Even now, Dongho still feels like he's failing.

He _knows_ he fucked it up back then - _knows_ he failed Jaewon deeply and truly, knows he should've done something more, knows he should've been there, should've called them when it started to rain, should've handled it all instead of putting so much pressure on Jaewon - and he knows he's fucking it up now, the empty space their parents occupied so _painfully_ raw and aching, but he's _trying_.

It's not enough.

It's not enough, and it's never going to be enough, but Dongho is _trying_ , and that's all he can do, isn't it?

Right?

He reaches out, pushing a lock of hair back from Jaewon's face. _God_ , his little brother looks so young like this - so _achingly_ like the boy he comforted all those years ago - and old pain bubbles up in his chest, sticking in his throat and _choking him_.

He should've been better.

God, he should've been better.

He presses his hand to Jaewon's forehead, eyes sliding shut as the memory of that day bubbles to the surface once more.

...he could never forget it, he thinks. He could never forget that day.

* * *

It's raining.

Dongho scowls at the highway ahead, gaze drifting to his little brother in the passenger's seat. Jaewon's leaning against the window, eyelids drooping and one hand gripping the otter charm hanging from his neck, and the storm is _raging_.

God, does Dongho hate living in a seaside town. He doesn't like the sea - never has, not after Jun - but days like this make it all the more painful.

They finally make it home, and Dongho pulls out an umbrella, flipping it open as he rounds the car. "Do you have an umbrella, Jaewon-ah?"

"Yeah," Jaewon murmurs, and _oh_ , he's tired, eyes drooping and one hand gripping the handle of his umbrella. "Are mom and dad home...?"

"No," Dongho sighs, staring out at the horizon. "Do you wanna wait for them to get home?"

"...mhm..."

Jaewon heads in first, sliding off his dripping sneakers and heading up to the shower, and Dongho follows, placing the two umbrellas outside before going to make some cocoa.

It's just about done by the time Jaewon's out of the shower, and he places the two mugs on the table, pulling out the television remote and flicking it on. 

They can watch a Ghibli movie. Jaewon likes those, right?

He catches sight of Jaewon out of the corner of his eye just as he races down the stairs, and _oh_ , he does look like an otter like this, dark hair fluffy and a bright smile on his lips. It's almost jarring - a stark contrast to the sinking feeling in Dongho's gut - and he forces a smile, patting the couch next to him.

"What do you wanna watch?"

"Spirited Away?" Jaewon asks, and Dongho sighs, lips curling into a small grin.

"...sure thing, Won-ah."

His younger brother leans forwards, pulling his mug into his hands, and he offers Dongho a bright smile when he sees him staring, the brightness of it scrunching his eyes into crescents.

God, Dongho's going to miss him.

It's going to be weird - going to acting school - but it's going to be alright. Jaewon's going to be fine.

...he hopes Jaewon's going to be fine.

The movie starts to play in front of him, bright colors and surreal animation filling the screen, but Dongho's barely watching it.

Jaewon's going to be fine, right?

Right?

Right.

And hey! Someday Dongho can send home tickets for a Broadway show!

"Look!" Jaewon breathes, staring up at the screen, and Dongho sighs, relaxing into the cushions.

He doesn't have to think about this right now. Jaewon's here, after all, and they have two hours just to themselves.

* * *

The call comes in at exactly 2:53 in the morning.

Dongho's sitting at the kitchen table, his third mug of coffee in his hands and his computer in front of him, and the night is completely silent save for the chirping of crickets and the distant roar of the ocean.

It's nice. 

It's nice, but his parents aren't home.

His parents aren't home, and he stopped being _slightly worried_ two hours and fifteen missed calls ago, and he just wants them to come home and stop scaring him, because _he can't lose the rest of his family to the ocean like this-_

A knock rings through the air, startling him out of his reverie, and he slams his computer shut, sprinting for the door. 

They're home, they're home, they're finally home-

He opens the door, and the person standing there is someone he doesn't recognize at all.

"Is this the residence of Mr. and Mrs. Ahn?" the police officer asks, and Dongho nods, a hollow sort of _emptiness_ in his gut.

No.

No, no, no-no-no-

"I regret to inform you that Mr. and Mrs. Ahn, as well as their co-captains, passed away earlier tonight..."

The world fades into a dull roar.

His parents. _Jaewon's parents_.

"You have to be wrong," he forces out, and his voice is shaking, and his legs are trembling, and he's going to collapse or scream or cry but _this is not right_. "You- you have to be wrong."

The police officer stares at him, and then slowly, slowly, places a plastic bag in his hands.

 _Their rings_.

"I'm sorry, son."

 _No_ , Dongho thinks, staring at the wet and scratched-up rings in the bag, _no, don't call me son. You're not my parents._

But his parents aren't around anymore, are they?

* * *

They're the only two people at the funeral.

God, does Dongho hate that. He hates how his parents - people who were supposedly popular, people who were supposedly loved and admired by all - are lying here, _fucking dead_ , and _nobody cares_.

Well.

That's not entirely true.

Jaewon grips his hand, expression blank and silent tears running down his cheeks, and Dongho steps over, wrapping an arm around his little brother's shoulders as they watch his mother's casket descend into the hole. 

No child should ever have to bury their parents.

And _fuck_ , Dongho's crying, and he said he wasn't going to cry, and he didn't cry while planning the funeral or while buying Jaewon's suit or while driving here, but _fuck_ , he's crying now.

He's crying now, when Jaewon needs him the most.

Jaewon sniffs - soft and pathetic and _broken_ \- and Dongho pulls him closer, gripping his arm as tightly as he can.

He can't lose his little brother, too.

The priest keeps talking, says something about how loved and admired they were, but Dongho isn't looking. His gaze is fixed firmly on the headstone - two names, then three - and he shuts his eyes, hot tears spilling down his cheeks.

...they're gone.

Jaewon's mom and Jaewon's dad and his mom and his dad-

they're all gone.

Someone squeezes his hand, and his eyes snap open, gaze drifting to his little brother.

...they're gone, but he's not alone.

Not as long as he has Jaewon.

* * *

The house is too silent when they make it home that night.

It's too big, too empty, too big and empty and cold and _quiet_ , and Dongho _hates it_. Jaewon's house has _never_ been quiet - there's always been an undercurrent of noise, be it his mother, his father, or he himself - but now it's just _silent_.

Dongho hates it.

He heads into the kitchen to start on the paperwork - he has to take over the flower shop, after all, and he has to legally get custody of Jaewon, so he has to prove he's fit for _that_ , and he has to handle the inheritances and the houses and _everything_ \- and only puts down the pen when the clock ticks over to one. 

God, he's exhausted. 

He trudges up the stairs, pausing at the door to Jaewon's room, and before he can stop himself, he nudges it open slightly.

And _oh_.

Jaewon's curled up in bed, shoulders shaking with sobs, and _how did Dongho not hear_?

He reaches over, flicking on the light, and Jaewon curls up tighter, a harsh wail escaping his lips as his hands come up to grip his head. 

God, Dongho failed him. It's only been a few days and Dongho's _already_ failed him.

He takes a seat by Jaewon's side, reaching out to rest his hand in his little brother's hair, but the younger boy shies away from it, soft sniffs ringing through the air as he scrubs at his eyes. And _god_ , what did Dongho do to make Jaewon feel like this? How did he fail so much as a brother that Jaewon's hurting like this?

"Jaewon-ah?" he murmurs, and Jaewon shakes his head, pressing his face into the mattress. "Little otter... can you talk to me?"

"...'re you gonna send me away?"

 _God_ , Dongho's never heard six words as terrifying as those.

"No," he breathes, resting his hand on Jaewon's shoulder. "No, no, Wonnie- _god_ , of course I'm not sending you away. I'm _never_ going to make you leave before you're ready."

He blinks, and there's an armful of Jaewon crashing into his chest, two hands coming up to grip at the fabric of his t-shirt and tears seeping through the cotton. And _oh_ -

He _knows_ he can't be their parents. He _knows_ he's nothing like his parents, _knows_ he's nothing like Jaewon's parents, _knows knows knows_ that nothing he can do will ever measure up to what they were, but _god_ , does he want to try and give Jaewon _some_ of the love he deserves.

...even if he can't measure up.

And he _knows_ he's going to be pulling long hours, _knows_ money's going to be tight, _knows_ he's never going to get to perform on a brightly-lit stage ever again, but all of that is worth it for the boy in his arms.

After all, Jaewon's his little brother. 

And _nothing_ is going to take him away.

"I'm not leaving," he murmurs, the words lost amidst Jaewon's broken sobs. "I _promise you_ , Jaewon-ah. I'm not leaving."

Jaewon sniffs, curling back into his chest, and Dongho finds there's nothing left to do but sit there and provide comfort the only way he can.

...it's not enough.

(nothing he does going forward will ever be enough, though, will it?)

* * *

Dongho blinks, the memories of the past dispelling like dust in the wind, and his gaze falls to the boy - to the _man_ in front of him.

God, Jaewon's grown. He's grown into himself, grown out of the scared boy Dongho knew for so long, and most importantly, he seems _happier_.

...but then again, Dongho knows why that is, doesn't he?

His gaze falls to the shimmering remnants of a tail strewn across his bed - Jaewon's legs are covered in cracked and chipped scales, with their counterparts littering the bed - and he exhales, long and ragged.

Why?

Why would the ocean, after taking Jun and their parents, take Jaewon too?

It's not _fair_.

And _god_ , how long has it been since Dongho thought in those terms? How long has it been since he complained about things _not being fair_?

So, so long.

He turns to the window, gaze drifting to the distant, brilliant moon, and he exhales at the sight of its reflection in the water, the image warped and distorted by the rippling waves.

He's never liked the ocean. Never wanted to mess with it either - the ocean is a beast best left alone - but he'll be _damned_ if it takes the last family he has left. 

...tomorrow, though.

For tonight, he can stay by Jaewon's side, and that's enough.

It'll have to be enough.

He's not sure when he falls asleep, exactly, nor is he sure _how_ he falls asleep, but when he opens his eyes, it's morning, and Jaewon's nowhere to be seen.

 _No_.

He stumbles to his feet, eyes wide, and his gaze lands on a folded piece of paper just as the first raindrop hits the window.

_No._

Not Jaewon.

The ocean can't have Jaewon.

He grabs his jacket and sprints out the door, leaving the folded note on the bed. He doesn't even need to read it.

After all, he's going to bring his little brother home, no matter what it takes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funny fun fact this was the chapter that inspired me to write the fic
> 
> also this entire thing was inspired by the DEH song mentioned above so GO READ IT AHJKFDHGKJFD
> 
> please leave a comment,,,,, pl ease,,,,,,,, i beg,,,,,,,
> 
> as usual, unbeta'd, so pls point out any typos hehe


	9. Chapter 9

By the time Jaewon comes to, it's raining.

His head lolls to one side, gaze landing on his brother's sleeping form, and he exhales, gaze drifting to the roof.

 _God_ , everything hurts. His legs ache, his back aches, his head _aches_ , and the distant rain is tugging at something in his chest.

He has to leave.

He stumbles to the desk, wincing as the movement sends stabbing aches through his legs, and he scribbles a quick message to his brother before tripping down the stairs, the ache in his head only increasing with each step.

He has to go.

The rain plasters his hair to his head as he steps into the storm, and he stumbles down the beach, finally collapsing into the water with a sigh. The familiar transformation washes over him in an instant, and the ache in his legs subsides, replaced with a sort of cool numbness.

This is nice, he thinks.

He drifts for a while, not sure of _where_ , exactly, he's going, but sure he has some kind of end destination. Even if he may not know it yet, there's an end destination, and that end destination is _important_.

What was he so worried about?

Oh. Forgetting people. Forgetting his brother.

Who else has he forgotten? 

If they were that important, he'd remember them, right?

Why can't he remember why he's forgetting?

He drifts along, content to simply relax in the silence, when a distant hum rings through the air, dragging him out of his reverie.

_"Jaewon-ah..."_

* * *

"What do you _mean_ , he wasn't turning back?"

Jun's claw taps against the rock, fury burning in his eyes, and Minsoo shakes his head, arms folded over his chest.

"He _wasn't turning back_. He was out of the water, and he _wasn't turning back_."

"Fuck," Taehyuk states, and Minsoo nods.

"We have to find him," Daehyun murmurs, gaze straying to the sky. "Look at that storm..."

"You think he's gonna try and break the last seal on his own?" Minsoo asks, and Daehyun nods, pain flickering in his eyes. 

"I'm just worried..."

"About him?"

"About his brother."

The cave falls silent save for the sounds of Jun's claws scratching against rock, and Daehyun's gaze falls to his hands, tears welling up in his dark eyes.

"...the ocean loves them," Jiho finally murmurs, gaze pinned on the sky. "She'll try and take them both, if she can."

"We have to help," Minsoo states, pounding his fist into his palm. "We _have to_."

As if in reply, a beam of light shoots up from somewhere on the horizon, and the five sirens exchange looks, each one able to hear the distant, haunting song.

"Jaewon..." Daehyun murmurs, pain flickering in his eyes, and Minsoo shoots forwards, his hair pushed back from his face by the force of his swimming.

"I'm coming," he hisses, claws digging into his palms. "I'm coming, Jaewon-ah..."

* * *

As he drifts closer, the hum gains depth, turning from a simple one-dimensional song into one full of strength.

Ah...

_"Jaewon-ah... it's been so long..."_

A distant cry rings through the air, but Jaewon pays it no mind, instead opting to drift closer to the beam of light. It's bright, colored in all the shades of the rainbow, and he hums along to the song as it grows, the gentle sloshing of the waves soothing his troubled mind. 

He's forgetting something.

It doesn't matter, though. All that matters are the waves.

He drifts closer, gaze landing on a podium in the center of a clearing, and he floats down, tail brushing against the sand as he turns to look around the area.

The song is louder, now.

_"Jaewon-ah..."_

A figure appears in front of him, and he stares at her, eyes wide as the song grows ever-louder.

"...hello?" he tries, and the woman smiles, wide and serene and calming.

She's kind, Jaewon decides. She's kind and gentle and _home_. 

(some part of him is afraid of her, but he doesn't listen to it. she's home, after all.)

_"Are you ready to make the final sacrifice?"_

* * *

The storm pelts down against his ship as Dongho grips the railing, gaze pinned on the beam of light.

 _Jaewon_.

 _God_ , his little brother is out there somewhere, possibly dying, and Dongho _cannot_ let him die here.

The ocean can't have Jaewon, too.

The ocean can take his parents, and it can take Jun, but _it cannot have Jaewon_.

"You're Jaewon's older brother, right?"

The scream pierces the air, and Dongho looks down, gaze landing on a small siren with silver hair.

Huh.

"Yeah," he replies, and the siren nods, pointing at the distant light.

"That's where Jaewon is! We're going that way to try and help him!"

"Take me with you!" Dongho shouts, and the siren hesitates for a moment before a second head pops up beside the first. 

"Okay! Hop in!"

Before Dongho can regret it, he jumps into the water, and a pair of arms wrap around his waist, hauling him to the surface in moments.

Now would be a good time to mention that he can't really swim, he thinks.

"Hold on!" the siren calls, and Dongho wraps his arms around his neck, hooking his chin over his shoulder as he stares at the distant beam.

"Hold on, little otter," he murmurs, voice lost to the storm. "I'm coming."

* * *

"The... final sacrifice?"

The woman smiles, and Jaewon smiles with her, a bit of euphoria buzzing through his veins.

It's nice, he decides. She's nice.

_"Four lives must be taken in order to defeat the curse. You've only given three."_

"Oh..."

Another distant cry rings through the air, and Jaewon blinks, a hint of familiarity niggling at the back of his mind.

"Do I... do I know him?"

 _"You don't need to sacrifice anyone else,"_ the woman murmurs, drifting forwards to cup his cheeks. _"You can stay here forever with me. Doesn't that sound nice?"_

It does sound nice, Jaewon thinks, staring at the small ruby stone in the center of the podium. It sounds really nice.

So why is he hesitating?

Another cry tugs at the back of his mind, and he turns for an instant before the woman tugs him back towards her, bright smile turning slightly strained.

_"Join me, Jaewon-ah. You can stay with the ocean forever."_

"Jaewon-ah!"

_"Isn't that what you always wanted?"_

"Jaewon!"

_"Didn't you want to stay with me?"_

"Little otter!"

_"You'll never have to leave again. I'll even let your friends go. It can be just you and me, forever..."_

* * *

Dongho screws his eyes shut against the pounding waves, a bit of saltwater splashing in his mouth.

 _Fuck_ , it's storming. The waves rise to massive heights before crashing against the sea, and more than once, Daehyun - the siren, apparently - has had to pull him under the sea in order to stop him from drowning, so. 

That's fun. 

At least Dongho can hold his breath.

A distant song floats through the water, and Daehyun and the silver-haired siren exchange looks.

Jaewon's nearby. Dongho _knows_ he is.

"We made it!" someone else calls, and Dongho turns, gaze landing on a group of sirens nearby.

And _oh_ -

Dark hair, sharp eyes, pursed lips-

It's like looking in a mirror.

(it's like looking at his brother.)

"Weird," a bubblegum-haired siren states, pointing between Dongho and the mystery siren. "Are there two of you?"

"No," the mystery siren murmurs, gaze pinned on Dongho's face. "I've seen you around."

"I'm Jaewon's brother," Dongho uselessly states, mind trying desperately to ignore that _this looks like Jun, this looks like Jun, this looks like his little brother_. "I don't think we've met."

"I watch you sometimes," the siren states, and Dongho blinks at him, bewildered. "At the docks."

"...great?"

The singing grows louder, and Dongho tightens his grip on Daehyun's chest, gaze drifting back to the distant light. "That doesn't matter. Let's go."

* * *

"Jaewon!"

Jaewon drifts back a bit, worry creeping into the back of his mind as he stares at the woman in front of him. "Ah- actually-"

 _"Come stay with me,"_ she breathes, reaching up to cup his cheeks once more. _"Stay with me, Jaewonnie..."_

He can't.

He can't stay.

Someone- there's someone waiting for him. Someone calling his name.

Someone's out there.

He drifts back a bit further, grasping the woman's wrists, and her image starts to flicker, teeth elongating and blond hair darkening to black.

_"Stay with me, Jaewonnie!"_

He can't stay.

He can't stay, but the woman's pulling him closer, her lips descending on his, and he can't remember why he has to leave, can't remember where he is, _can't remember_ -

"Jaewon?"

The voice is clear, now.

He turns, eyes wide, and there, standing on the sand-

 _Dongho_.

His last vestiges of memory come crashing back, and he staggers away from the woman, seeking refuge in his older brother's arms.

 _Oh, Dongho_.

 _"You,"_ the woman snarls, and Dongho's arms wrap around Jaewon's back, his hand coming up to rest in his hair. 

It's odd, seeing Dongho here - his dark hair billowing around him and clothes barely obeying the forces of gravity - but he feels just the same as he always has, and Jaewon grips his jacket as tightly as he can, hoping against hope that that will _do something_.

"Let my brother go," Dongho states, and _oh_ , Jaewon can hear his voice shaking, _knows_ he's afraid, but Dongho's finally, finally here, and he just-

he says nothing.

 _"I can't do that,"_ the woman croons, drifting closer to stare at Dongho, _"but I can make a trade."_

All the blood in Jaewon's veins turns to ice.

_"A life for a life."_

He raises his head, gaze landing on Dongho's face-

and there's nothing there.

No pain.

No doubt.

Nothing, save cold resolution.

And in that moment, Jaewon wishes he could go back in time.

He wishes he could change the past, wishes he could go back, wishes he could do _anything_ to stop the clock from turning, because the future has been decided since the woman made her offer, and there is _nothing he can do about it_.

Dongho squeezes Jaewon's arms once more, his chin resting against his hair, and they stay like that for one long, painful moment.

(Jaewon wishes it could last forever.)

And then, finally-

"Alright."

The woman grins, shoving Jaewon aside, and he floats backwards, watching her cup Dongho's face with horror pounding in his core.

"No," he begs, "no, please-"

The woman leans in to kiss his older brother-

and everything turns to white.

* * *

When Jaewon comes to, he's lying on a beach.

Sand coats his hair, and he props himself up on one elbow, spitting out some saltwater and rubbing his chin. And _oh_ -

He has legs again.

His gaze drifts over the beach, taking in the people strewn over it, and he spits up a bit more water, struggling to his feet before gazing out at the sea.

_One, two, three, four, five-_

Five. 

Where's Dongho?

He counts again and again and again and again and again, but just keeps coming up with five.

Where's Dongho?

He counts over and over and over until someone grabs his wrist, gently leading him inside and sitting him down at the table. And all the while, Jaewon keeps counting - _one-two-three-four-five_.

Five.

Not six. 

_Five_.

The house feels so big, even with five others bustling around, but Jaewon, sitting at the kitchen table, feels nothing but small.

_Five._

_Not six._

_Five._

Dongho's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoopsies!!!
> 
> leave me a comment pls,,,,,,,,,,,, they are my Food
> 
> as always, unbeta'd, pls tell me abt any dumbass typos hehe


	10. Chapter 10

The flower shop feels... different, now, with Jaewon in charge.

Gone are the days that Dongho used to spend leaning against the counter, a pot in front of him and leaves stuck in his hair. Gone are the days where Jaewon would come in to work with him, his hair pushed back with a headband and a watering can in his hand.

No - now it's Jaewon and Jun instead of Dongho, and it _aches_.

There's a coffee shop next door, now, and Taehyuk and Jiho and Sungmin work there, and Minsoo's working at the arcade down the street, and Daehyun does small-time gigs, and everyone is happy-

but Jaewon.

Jaewon isn't- Jaewon _can't be_ as truly happy as everyone else is. Not without Dongho. 

And he's- he's _trying_. He's _been trying_ for the last three years. He's _been trying_ to get over it, _been trying_ to forget, _been trying_ to move on and leave his older brother's memory in the past.

But he'll find a small thing Dongho left around somewhere, find an old photo, _forget_ , just for one moment, and it all crashes over him again, grief sending him to his knees until Jun gets home and talks him through it.

Jun pities him, Jaewon knows. He doesn't grieve like he does.

How can you grieve for someone you never really knew?

But he's- he's doing a bit better. He has good days, now - days where he can go out with Daehyun and Minsoo and have fun, days where the three of them will get together and just... reminisce. 

It's not much, but it's... it's something. 

It's _something_ , and the three of them are pulling things back together, becoming friends _naturally_ , without the influence of the curse, and it's-

it's nice.

Jaewon's never really had friends like this before, but he likes to imagine that Dongho would've loved them.

* * *

There's a bridge in the center of town that goes over a large, large river.

The river's pretty shallow, so it's not dangerous to anyone over the age of ten, and as such, the bridge is flat, weathered wood carved with initials and messages long-since lost to time. Most people pass over this bridge multiple times a day - mostly because it bridges the residential and commercial sides of town - and Jaewon is certainly no exception.

He's heading over it in the dead of night when a small splash rings through the air, and he turns, eyes immediately scanning the space for whatever object - or _child_ \- fell in, but comes up with nothing.

He looks again, and sees a pair of shining eyes staring back at him. 

It's the full moon tonight, and its reflection flickers in the water, soft and rippling against the waves. This is the only reason Jaewon can see the creature peering over the dark - not through it, but through where other things _aren't_.

"Hi...?" Jaewon breathes, and the creature blinks at him, slow and oddly calm. "Who are you...?"

He thought all sirens got turned into humans, but if this creature is any indication, that looks like it might not be true.

The creature reaches up to grasp him with one webbed hand, and Jaewon flinches back on instinct, hand coming up to clutch his necklace. 

He should- he should go home. This... not all sirens are as nice as Minsoo and Daehyun and the others.

And yet.

"I'm sorry," the siren murmurs, and Jaewon's blood runs cold at the sound of his voice.

_No._

"Please don't leave. I just thought... I thought your necklace looked familiar."

Jaewon unclasps his necklace with shaking hands, and it falls to the wooden bridge with a soft clatter. "You... you can look at it. If you want."

The siren stares at him for a moment, dark eyes wide, and Jaewon nudges it a bit closer. "Please."

The siren picks it up between two of his claws, eyes widening impossibly further as he turns the charm from side to side. It's... it's _innocent_ in a way Jaewon's never really seen, and his heart _aches_ at the sight.

"What's... what's your name?"

The siren frowns, lips pursed together, and he tilts his head a bit. "I can't remember. Why?"

"...can I call you Dongho?"

"Okay," the siren acquiesces, turning the charm back and forth in his grasp. "Why?"

 _"You're my older brother,"_ Jaewon doesn't say, _"you're my older brother, and you've been gone for three years and I thought you died but here you are, alive but not."_

"You remind me of someone I used to know," he says instead, and tries not to let the lie burn his tongue.

"Oh?" Dongho asks, raising his head to stare at him once more. "Did you... did you know me?"

Jaewon doesn't reply.

"That's okay," Dongho replies, gaze dropping to his hand. "I just... feel like I need to find someone. Something. An otter."

"Oh," Jaewon breathes, unable to say anything more.

What else can he say?

"I need to go," he finally states, and Dongho deflates, reaching up to tip the necklace into his hand.

"Ah... I understand. It was nice to meet you."

"Wh- I'm coming back, hyung."

Dongho stares at him for a moment, mistrust flickering in his eyes, and Jaewon reaches down to hook his arms around the elder's armpits, hauling him into his grasp in one smooth motion.

And oh, he _knows_ Dongho isn’t really his older brother, _knows_ he’s forgotten all of the things that make him Dongho, _knows knows knows_ that the older brother who sat with him when their parents died and took him to the aquarium and loved acting is never coming back-

but that doesn’t matter, does it?

After all, Dongho’s always going to be his big brother.

“I’m not leaving,” he breathes, nose pressed to Dongho’s hair and tears rolling down his cheeks. “I promise you, Dongho-hyung. I’m not leaving.”

"Oh," Dongho simply states, and Jaewon chokes on a sob as a claw brushes against his cheek, gentle and loving and _so, so Dongho_. "Don't... don't cry..."

"Jaewon," he gasps, and Dongho makes a small noise of bewilderment. "That's my name. Jaewon."

"Jaewon," Dongho repeats, and it sounds just like it always has, his voice rising and falling in the same places it always did, and Jaewon _cannot breathe_. "There's... there's no need to cry, Jaewon-ah..."

"I'm sorry," Jaewon hiccups, gripping Dongho's hair as tightly as he can. It's _long_ \- long enough that Jaewon could braid it - and _missing_ hits him again, the thought of what should have been nearly crushing him. "I'm s-so- s-so sorry, Dongho-hyung-"

"It's okay," Dongho whispers, claws threading through Jaewon's hair. "It's okay."

And _oh_ , Dongho might not remember, but he's here and alive and safe in Jaewon's arms, and for right now, that's enough.

That's enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahaha did anyone notice that four lines in this chapter are a direct parallel to four lines in chapter 8?
> 
> let me know if you find them :D
> 
> sorry for the shorter chapter! i just felt like this fit the best hehe. 
> 
> please leave me a comment with your thoughts, and thank you so so SO much for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> this fic updates wednesdays/thursdays!!
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


End file.
